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Another week, another near-perfect offering from a Scribe (although whether that Scribe was Muckspreader or Nice Buns may be a point of speculation… 😉). Also, Ed. is on her holibobs, so (and some may consider mercifully) only very light-touch (aka utterly lazy) editing applied. Enjoy this edition in all its pretty-much unadulterated glory!
HASH 1539 – CORNWOOD
A Wednesday Night Hash at Cornwood: A Story of Heroes, Falls, and Moonings
It started, as many heroic tales do, with Beefy standing tall and alone — at the car park entrance just down from the Cornwood Inn. His stance was bold, his arms akimbo, and his face lit by the low Cornwood sun like a man ready to lead troops into battle. The problem? The troops — aka the hashers — were all loitering halfway up the hill, too stubborn (and possibly already confused) to make the 12-metre journey down.
The run began with optimism and vague dread, as always. Spirits were high. Ankles were tense. Early into the run, Overshot took a tumble. As he hit the ground in slow motion, his limbs twitched like a dog dreaming of chasing rabbits. It would’ve been concerning if it wasn’t so absolutely hilarious. Someone offered him a biscuit afterward.
Not to be outdone, Gaffer’s near-death experience brought drama to the woods. One moment he was upright and sprightly, the next he performed a full-body slam that would’ve impressed a rugby team. His arms flailed, he rotated twice midair, and landed with such force that the local wildlife fled. Somehow, he bounced up, grinning. “All part of the plan,” he lied.
Meanwhile, Rusty was the unwilling witness to a full moon. No, not the celestial kind. Mounted gave Rusty an eyeful of something that should’ve come with a government warning and a 15+ certificate. Rusty may never recover. Her retinas certainly won’t.
GHR, in an act of innocent betrayal, held a branch for a moment too short and let it go…straight into Lactaster’s face. The sound it made — thwack! — echoed through the forest like nature itself was telling jokes now. Lactaster claimed she was fine but spent the rest of the trail blinking like she’d seen the meaning of life.
As the trail wound toward some questionable puddles, Rizzo did what Rizzo does best — she went rogue. Faced with water and doubt, she chose the shallow option. “That must be it!” she declared, proudly splashing ankle-deep. Sadly, it was not. The correct trail waded into much more questionable liquid.
Olive and Lowtarse were the smug poster children for correct trail-following. They hit every mark, found every check, and probably solved world peace along the way. If there was a gold star, they’d have two each. The rest of the hash pretended not to care while quietly resenting their competence.
And then — salvation! A Pimms stop! The holy grail. It appeared like a vision in the woods, complete with cucumber slices, fruit floating lazily, and enough pimms to make everyone forget about the mud, blood, and bush-based injuries. Laughter rang out. Gaffer was rehydrated. Overshot stopped twitching. Rusty had a stiff drink and stopped whimpering about cheeks she couldn’t unsee.
As the hashers staggered back to the carpark (some limping, some emotionally scarred, all satisfied), Triple Top stood at the car park entrance, arms folded like a godfather watching his slightly damaged children return from battle.
Squashed Balls — ever the meticulous scribe — decided to write his notes on a log, quite literally. He perched on the side of the table scribbling with intensity, muttering things like “Gaffer nearly died. Overshot dreams in public. Rusty traumatised. Pimms divine.” When questioned why, he replied, “Gotta keep a log of everything.”
ON-ON!
Down Downs went to:
Triple Top – the hare
Lady Gagger – for the fabulous Pimms Stop
Blown Off – nomination by Overshot
Lowtarse and Olive for following the correct trail
Gaffer for his epic fall
On On to AVON MILL GARDEN CENTRE, near LODDISWELL
Photo credit: Beefy
🏃 📸 🍻 You can enjoy a few pictures from the terrifically technical, intermittently topsy-turvy Cornwood hash on 6th August 2025 by checking out Hash Flash’s purpose-built photo album on the SH4 Facebook page 📸 🏃🍻
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Next SH4 Hash 🐷👣:
HASH 1540 – 13 August, 2025
CIRCLE UP 7.25pm
Avon Mill Garden Centre
Loddiswell
Kingsbridge
TQ7 4DD
What3Words: poodle.artichoke.airtime
ON DOWN:
Church House Inn
Churchstow
Kingsbridge
TQ7 3QW
What3Words: betraying.moods.snapper
Hares: Shaggy & Rusty Bottom
For further info, please see the Hash 1540 event page on the SH4 Facebook Group.
🍔 Hash Food 🍔
Pre orders by Tuesday (12 August) please. Pay on arrival at the pub. Thanks!
Add your photos of how the evening went down (on Weds 13th August, 2025) to the Hash 1540 photo album on SH4’s Facebook page.
📝 If you are the lucky Scribe at LODDISWELL on 13th August, please submit your edition of The Words to thewords@sh4.org.uk by Sunday evening (17th August, 2025) – TVM! 📝
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SH4 ‘EALTH & SAFETY
Please make a note of the SH4 hash phone number and add it to your phone:
🌟 SH4 hash phone number: 07922 103701 🌟
Use this number to call for assistance if you come ‘unstuck’ out on the trail, or need to get a message to ‘base camp’ (On Down) during the run.
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Don’t forget to see Rusty Bottom / Doggy Style before the hash to log you out on trail using the new-fangled checking-out/checking-in app (developed by our very own digital-wizard, Whisperer).
Don’t forget to also check back in with the ‘On Secs once you’re safely back.
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SH4 MercHASHdise
Show your love for SH4 and wear your membership proudly with a bespoke SH4 car sticker!
Available exclusively to SH4 members (and, to be fair, anyone else who wants one…) for the bargain sum of £0.50 ea., you can afford one for every vehicle in your fleet! 😊
See a member of the committee at the next hash meet to get yours.
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