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HASH 1529 – ST ANN’S CHAPEL

According to Alexander Graham Bell, “Perfect Preparation Prevents some sort of Poor Performance”. Therefore, in the usual way with our hashes, Nutcracker schemed and designed the hash, and I used the button-thread to measure the route to be sure we had accurate distances [Ed. Dream team. Also: is it special elasticated button-thread…?] . Nutcracker got a good deal on the flour: 4 bags for the price of 3 at Morrisons [Ed. as many as four, were there? 😘], so we were well-prepared.

We had a glorious day for laying it, doing the Short together. Then Nutcracker went off to do something [Ed. that old chestnut, eh, Nutcracker…?  as I pressed on in the searing June heat to finish the Longs. We had deliberated long into the night to decide on the Longs, with the first option being too short and the second being too long [Ed. ahh, the classic Goldilocks hash-planning conundrum!]. Then, a brainwave: we would do both, and have a Short Long, (SL), and a Long Long, (LL). We were well pleased.

Although correctly laid on the Short, with the customary three dots and on and false trails with crosses [Ed. SH4 purists: rejoice!], when it came to the Longs, we were well and truly into my nap time, so I just opted for one dot and on [Ed. ah, OK: custom – be damned!]. All sorted: time for a nap and ready to Circle Up at the appointed hour.

Parking was a problem, with just the one disabled space which had been saved for Gaffer – much to the annoyance of Goolie, who was late, despite living only 1.7 miles away.

Then, pandemonium! No GM! No Doggy Style! Only one thing to do: I stepped into the breach, donned an imaginary GM hat, and declared myself GM for the evening. Unbeknownst to me, Nutcracker had only gone and put Doggy Style on parking duty at the pub.

Well, it wasn’t easy I can tell you. Being GM. Nope: stuff to do. But I pressed on. (Doggy Style turned up and said I could continue [Ed. all generosity, DS…😆].) Notices were few, but visitors and virgins were many: we had Stuart, John, Andrew, and Roger the Virgin [Ed. the latter, given his full title at the RA-ing (as here) was, of course, appropriately celebrated (as having arrived at his first hash conveniently ready-named?)] . Then, from Torbay and Paignton, we had The Great Fandango, Flowery Twat, Blooming Fanny [Ed. are Flowery Twat and Blooming Fanny not one and the same…?] and a quiet, reserved chap I didn’t quite hear the name of, but I think it was Gary?

Having welcomed that lot, we then needed to allocate the Scribe duties for the words and, much to my delight, I was able to nominate myself [Ed. a rare and much-coveted privilege – how lucky you are, Know Nuts!] – so here we are with a new hat for scribing. A slight admission here: I have relied on Overshot’s notes from R.A. ing, which I can’t read. Despite standing next to him, I couldn’t hear him, or understand half of what he said, and now I can’t remember much about any of it. But I am not going to let that get in the way of a good set of words.

Then, another hat-change to the Hare’s Hat [Ed. a veritable real-life  Mr Benn]. Nutcracker was keeping a low profile, so I took over. First thing on the agenda was Health and Safety: you wouldn’t believe it, but I couldn’t think of a single thing to say [Ed. remarkable…]. However, my theatrical display got a few laughs, so think it was quite worthwhile. Despite some totally unnecessary heckling, I explained the routes, and the method of laying, and the Short Long, (SL), and Long Long, (LL) – and then they were off.

Nutcracker retired to carry out strategic monitoring [Ed. critical role, that…conducted exclusively from St Ann’s Chapel hash HQ, by any chance? 😉] and I set off to sweep the Shorts. The Great Fandango, Flowery Twat, [Ed. and/or]  Blooming Fanny and I think it was Gary were delighted with the first mile; just like home, being on the road.

At the Easton Corner, a race developed with Virgin John (temporarily named Anchorman 2 by Overshot), Muckspreader and Overshot. Anchorman 2 (John), shortcutted but was beaten by Overshot who was allowed to win by Muckspreader because it was his birthday [Ed. Overshot’s] the other day. Oddly, I found myself at the back with the same bright young Harriets I would normally be hashing with, but with the addition of Reject. Reject questioned my additional clarifying marks as we passed checks because we thought we were at the rear. But initially I think it paid off for GHR, Come 2 Nite(I think) and She’s Ready, as they had arrived late. Dulux and Reject were like Horney Phologists [Ed. never seen it spelled like that before…😆 👏 Stet!] as they identified the various birdsongs, remarking on the lack of Cirl Buntings. All very fascinating, indeed – so much so that I forgot to tell the RA about it later.

Despite checks being kicked out, Sex Wax managed (on multiple occasions) to go the wrong way. Then, at the Long-Short split, she led Nokkers off on the Long. With my Sweeping hat on [Ed. Are you sure you aren’t, in fact, escaped from a Dr. Seuss tale?!], however, they were quickly rounded up and back on track [Ed. Hash Hero strikes again!].

Then, out of nowhere, Yeuck and Oui Oui appeared from the wrong direction and blamed me because they had just assumed the trail went off down a field with no marks.
As we dropped out of the field into Bigbury, Jyde was holding council about how he had checked to the right and found a cross, so was totally confused about the trail. I questioned whether anybody had checked to the left [Ed. well, if you will go laying marks in more than one direction from a check…what a maverick you are, KN!], which they hadn’t; I put an arrow to the left, and calm returned. Herding cats springs to mind. At which point, the need for my additional clarifying marks was yet again confirmed as Doggy Style came up the rear [Ed. oo-er, etc etc.] with Kevin. Initially, she had been delayed supporting the meandering Ging Gang and Goolie, thinking they were doing the Short, who then dumped her to do the Walkers’ trail. She then caught up with Winnie the Poo again, thinking she was being a supportive and diligent GM, only to be dumped by her as she went off on the Longs. [Ed. I’m sure it’s nothing personal, Doggy Style… 😆]

Winnie the Poo, finding herself alone on the Longs, came to the SL and LL markings (Short Long and Long Long). Having not being paying attention at the Circle Up, she was in a state of confusion, so phoned Blown Off for help. In the end, she was the only one to do the SL [Ed. gratifying that all that late-night agonising and extra work by the hares didn’t go to waste, though, eh?]. Thank heavens for Health and Safety, and that they had their phones with them!

Blooming Fanny [Ed. or Flowery Twat] got lost, and Rusty Bottom ended up in a nettle patch; Shaggy fell over [Ed. incredibly, not true – but I don’t suppose anyone will believe that] and Wet Spot stayed dry. Cow Pat was horrid to Low T’arse – or maybe not, because the notes were difficult to decipher. Roger the Virgin announced it was more fun than the Parkrun, much to the annoyance of somebody [Ed. the somebody present was something of a Parkrun celebrity, and responsible for establishing a Parkrun in…somewhere (Paignton?)]?

Overshot was RA, and announced that Wet Spot hadn’t had a down down for three weeks…and wasn’t getting one tonight. I was highlighted as being a hero for taking on so many roles, but then it turned out Dulux had been a real hero by saving somebody on the coastal path, with the rescue helicopter being called out and lots of woo-woos driving through St Ann’s Chapel the other night [Ed. amazing – what a superstar]. Overshot and I had happy birthday sung to us in the normal fashion. We thanked the pub.

Down Downs were awarded to:

• Nutcracker – Hare
• Know Nuts – (me), Hare, [Hash] Hero, stand in GM and Birthday boy
• Dulux – Real hero
• Blooming Fanny [or Flowery Twat] – Getting lost
• Anchorman 2 (John the Virgin) – Probably for looking like Anchorman
• Roger the Virgin – Just for being, I think.

But let’s be honest, although people sometimes say “it isn’t all about you, you know”, it really was all about me (Know Nuts) on the night! x [Ed. It absolutely was – take a bow, Know Nuts!]

On on to IVYBRIDGE

Photo credit: Doggy Style

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🏃 📸 🍻 You can enjoy a few more pictures from the perfectly-planned, speedy and scenic St Ann’s Chapel hash on 4th June 2025 by checking out Hash Flash’s purpose-built photo album on the SH4 Facebook page 📸 🏃🍻

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Next SH4 Hash 🐷👣: 

HASH 1530 – IVYBRIDGE – 11th June, 2025

CIRCLE UP 7.25pm

Ivybridge Town Hall Car Park
Ivybridge
PL21 0RU

What3Words: https://what3words.com/gloom.sweeping.rezoning

ON DOWN:

The Exchange
1 Fore Street
Ivybridge
PL21 9AB
What3Words: https://what3words.com/etchings.chatting.movements 

Hares: Barbarella

For further info, please see the Hash 1530 event page on the SH4 Facebook Group.

Add your photos of how the day went down (Weds 11th June, 2025) to the Hash 1530 photo album on SH4’s Facebook page , when available.

📝 If you are the lucky Scribe at Ivybridge on 11th June, please submit your edition of The Words to thewords@sh4.org.uk by Sunday evening (15th June, 2025) – TVM! 📝

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SH4 ‘EALTH & SAFETY

Please make a note of the SH4 hash phone number and add it to your phone:

🌟 SH4 hash phone number: 07922 103701 🌟

Use this number to call for assistance if you come ‘unstuck’ out on the trail, or need to get a message to ‘base camp’ (On Down) during the run.

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  Don’t forget to see Rusty Bottom or Ching Chong before the hash to log you out on trail using the new-fangled checking-out/checking-in app (developed by our very own digital-wizard, Whisperer).

Don’t forget to also check back in with the ‘On Secs once you’re safely back. 

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SH4 MercHASHdise 

Show your love for SH4 and wear your membership proudly with a bespoke SH4 car sticker!

Available exclusively to SH4 members (and, to be fair, anyone else who wants one…) for the bargain sum of £0.50 ea., you can afford one for every vehicle in your fleet! 😊

See a member of the committee at the next hash meet to get yours.

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