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[Ed: I will readily confess to being totally bemused by this week’s Words missive (sorry, Olive!) – am sure it’s a clever AI-fuelled wheeze of some kind, but am afraid it’s beyond me…! Make of the following what you will, fair hashers – but thanks and credit to the aforementioned Olive, ably assisted by her good friend, Chat GPT, for submitting them before the Sunday evening ‘deadline’.]
HASH 1530 – IVYBRIDGE
[Scene: A sunny mid-summer day on a farm field. MUCKSPREADER is standing confused, holding a pitchfork.] [Ed. Muckspreader, brace yourself: it’s quite a select cast list, but I think you’ve landed the lead!]
MUCKSPREADER: Right, so… what’s a circle up again? Is it like a square but round? And—er—what’s the difference between a bull and a cow? One’s angry and the other moos? Farmer’s knowledge: I’ve got none!
[TRIPLETOP suddenly bursts [Ed. onto the scene, stage Left??] running straight through a field of crops without looking.]
TRIPLETOP: Wheee! Who needs to check for fences or cows or… anything?!
[GINGANG shivers, rubbing her arms.] [Ed. There was a bit of a chill wind at the start – nice little note of authenticity from the playwright, there…]
GING GANG: Brrr! It’s frightfully cold today, isn’t it? Mid-summer chills – the worst!
[Cut to a drink stop with a sign: “Nice Melons Here!” Everyone gawks at the melons on the table.] [Ed. Sounding more plausible.]
WHISPERER (running past with a large peg attached to the back of his shorts): Oi! Is this some new dating app? Or did I just yank me washing right off the line? [Ed. Ah, such an authentic voice…! 😆]
[DOGGY STYLE and TYRED BUNNY crouch nearby, holding mirrors, comparing patches of facial hair.] [Ed. so important, that adjective… 😳]
DOGGY STYLE: Yours looks like a fuzzy caterpillar! Mine’s more like a… erm, confused squirrel.
[Nearby, COWPAT is being manhandled roughly by an overly-assertive GOMEZ.]
GOMEZ: Move along, move along! No loitering with intent to farm! [Ed. *groan*.]
[At the beer stop, GOOLIE slyly pockets the last sweet.]
GOOLIE (muttering): Ah, victory tastes sweet — literally.
[Suddenly, the Plympton Hashers march by, focused on celebrating BEEFY’S 30th Birthday, raising a cake above their heads.] [Ed. I definitely missed the cake part…]
PLYMPTON HASHER #1: Happy 30th, Beefy! You’re still young at heart!
PLYMPTON HASHER #2: Here, have a shot of whiskey, mate! No, no, let’s get a photo…! [Ed. ‘Plympton Hasher #1’ and ‘Plympton Hasher #2’??! Have some humanity! Or all they all just a number to you?! 🤣😘]
[They happily wander straight into a fish hook trap set by the overzealous Hare. The Plympton Hashers start running an extra mile in total oblivion. [Ed. oh no, I think they were definitely entirely cognisant of the added distance!]
PLYMPTON HASHER #3 (panting): Who’s idea was this? Is this part of the celebration?
PLYMPTON HASHER #1: I dunno, but I’m getting a bit… unnecessarily fit!
[Everyone else watches from the side, confused.]
MUCKSPREADER: What is this? A birthday party or a running punishment?!
[At this moment, the camera zooms in on DOGGY STYLE and TYRED BUNNY.]
DOGGY STYLE: I reckon we should join them. Everyone loves an extra mile. They’ll thank us later.
[The Plympton Hashers finally return, red-faced and panting, just as everyone else is catching their breath.]
PLYMPTON HASHER #2: Beefy, your birthday gift is… extra mileage! Enjoy it!
[GING GANG looks at the camera with a shiver.] [Ed. Ooh, breaking the fourth wall – edgy…]
GING GANG: I’m still freezing, though, right? Someone give me a champagne, or a cake. Anything. It’s cold.
[Suddenly, MUCKSPREADER steps forward again.]
MUCKSPREADER: So, who’s running this circus, then? Because I’m certain this farm is meant to have fewer fish hooks and more cows. Or was that a bull? Still can’t tell.
[Everyone freezes as the screen fades to a psychedelic cow mooing, while BEEFY stands confused with a half-eaten cake.] [Ed. He is not the only one…(although I have less cake). An unmitigated fever-dream of a Words report, from start to finish…! 👀 🤣🤣]
Down Downs were awarded to for the following probable causes:
Boaty – Hare
Overshot – nominated by Barbarella, Hare (?)
Wetspot – undefined misdemeanours
Roger the Virgin – returning for a second hash on the trot?
Beefy – Birthday Boy
Cowpat – successfully fording the river, despite some unnecessary manhandling(?)
On on to DARTNGTON
[Ed. Olive says the actual words have been deliberately ‘leafed’ out this week… 🤣]
Photo credit: Beefy Photo credit: Beefy
Photo credit: Boaty
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🏃 📸 🍻 You can enjoy a few more pictures from the Pimm’s-punctuated Ivybridge hash on 11th June 2025 by checking out Hash Flash’s purpose-built photo album on the SH4 Facebook page 📸 🏃🍻
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Next SH4 Hash 🐷👣:
HASH 1531 – DARTINGTON – 18th June, 2025
CIRCLE UP 7.25pm
Things Happen Here
The Meads
Dartington
Totnes
TQ9 6NS
What3Words: https://what3words.com/muddy.amaze.violinist
ON DOWN:
As above.
Hares: Squashed Balls
For further info, please see the Hash 1531 event page on the SH4 Facebook Group.
Add your photos of how the day went down (Weds 18th June, 2025) to the Hash 1531 photo album on SH4’s Facebook page , when available.
📝 If you are the lucky Scribe at Dartington on 18th June, please submit your edition of The Words to thewords@sh4.org.uk by Sunday evening (22nd June, 2025) – TVM! 📝
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SH4 ‘EALTH & SAFETY
Please make a note of the SH4 hash phone number and add it to your phone:
🌟 SH4 hash phone number: 07922 103701 🌟
Use this number to call for assistance if you come ‘unstuck’ out on the trail, or need to get a message to ‘base camp’ (On Down) during the run.
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Don’t forget to see Rusty Bottom or  Doggy Style before the hash to log you out on trail using the new-fangled checking-out/checking-in app (developed by our very own digital-wizard, Whisperer).
Don’t forget to also check back in with the ‘On Secs once you’re safely back.
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SH4 MercHASHdise
Show your love for SH4 and wear your membership proudly with a bespoke SH4 car sticker!
Available exclusively to SH4 members (and, to be fair, anyone else who wants one…) for the bargain sum of £0.50 ea., you can afford one for every vehicle in your fleet! 😊
See a member of the committee at the next hash meet to get yours.
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