The Words according to BEEF CURTAINS

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HASH 1516 – CANN WOODS

Ed. This email comes with sincere apologies to Beefy for not having any opportunity to send his superlative words out any earlier, or for embellishing in the usual idiotic and utterly unnecessary manner (which I am sure the majority will consider a blessed relief!). And also to everyone else. Sack the Editor!!

The South Hams Hashers had no trouble finding Cann Woods, especially with Pony Shafter stationed at the car park gate, enthusiastically guiding cars in with the flickering glow of his lightsaber that he just so happened to have in the boot of his car. Darth Pony, accompanied by his Padawan Beef Curtains, anxiously scanned the horizon, helping GHR and She’s Ready who, having laid the trail, had made a quick getaway from the car park, swapping Toby the Dog for ComeTonight before taking the scenic route back to the trail and almost ending up in Plymbridge after some dodgy navigation!

As Hashers trickled into the car park, expertly guided by the professional Pony Shafter, Dimwit, Livewire, Doggy Style and others had no trouble navigating the lot before pulling up to savour a brief moment of tranquillity before the trail. As more and more arrivals joined the gathering, Vindaloo parked up and glanced over, assuming they were watching fellow Hashers limber up – only to realise, with mild embarrassment, that it was actually a young couple preparing for their own kind of workout. Just in time, GHR returned to rally the circle, while those still adjusting to the brisk chill of Cann Woods – Gaffer, Boaty McBoatface, and a few others, attempted to fend off the cold with an impromptu jig.

A safety briefing was given, though it notably omitted a crucial warning about low-hanging trees – a particular hazard in these woods. After all, it was here that Wetspot met his untimely fate, ascending to the great Hash in the sky after an unfortunate encounter with a fallen tree during a Plympton Hash.

Soon, they were off, with She’sReady barking orders at the Longs before a check sent confusion rippling through the ranks. Luckily, Dimwit was on hand to spot a mark in the distance, only for the eager pack to charge toward it, discovering too late that it was merely a broken log gleaming white in the headtorch beam. Just as chaos threatened to take hold, Shaggy bolted off in the right direction, and the race was back on. At the next check, Boaty McBoatface took an optimistic approach; sure, they were lost in the woods, but at least the freezing temperatures kept things… refreshing. Meanwhile, She’s Ready was feeling the cold more than most, having already spent time laying trail, but the stampede of South Hams Hashers ensured no one had the chance to slow down. More checks meant more confusion, with Overshot and Re-Entry turning the game tactical; both deliberately stopping their calls to throw the other off course. It worked a little too well, as Woggle, blissfully unaware, found himself halfway up the Shorts before realising no-one had mentioned they were actually on the Longs. Further back, Bad Knees Beef Curtains, Rizzo, and Who Gives a Shit were making steady progress when Whisperer suddenly materialised out of nowhere, accompanied by a flustered Woggle, who may or may not have gone completely the wrong way but at least got in some extra mileage in.
Battling through a dense patch of Christmas trees, Nice Tackle refused to be slowed down, ploughing ahead with such determination that he nearly took out (W)Anchorman, who just happened to be in his path at the wrong time. Racing around, there was a fleeting moment of glory as Gaffer found himself leading the pack, a swarm of Hashers trailing in his wake. He was in his element, effortlessly showing them how it was done, his years of Hashing experience finally paying off. That is, until Re-Entry came charging through, somehow guessing four checks in a row and blasting past.
Pony Shafter and the walkers were enjoying a leisurely, civilised stroll through the woods, at least until a stampede of Longs came crashing through, shattering the peace. Unbothered by the urgency, Doggy Style and Yeuck took their time, savouring the crisp evening air before eventually arriving back at the car park, conveniently at the same time as everyone else.

Meanwhile, some curious local dog walkers, drawn in by the commotion, had Catflap enthusiastically pitching the wonders of Hashing until Madam Cyn swiftly dragged him away, prioritising getting changed and getting warm over his recruitment efforts!
In the Pub
The Stannary Court welcomed the Hashers with open arms – or at least as open as the understaffed bar allowed. A queue quickly formed, not because these seasoned drinkers were unfamiliar with pub etiquette, but simply due to a lack of hands pulling pints. Yeuck, ever the problem solver, opted to bypass the wait by using the app, only to end up fighting the app to try to get her drinks order in. Woggle found himself surrounded by a deluge of Hashers wishing him happy birthday.

The Hashers staked out their own section of the pub as Gaffer prepared to take on RA duties. Glancing at his audience, he quickly realised that nearly half the crowd consisted of Plympton Hashers. Unfazed, he saw the humour in it; much like Plymouth City Council’s plans to absorb parts of South Hams, it seemed the Hashers were experiencing their own quiet takeover!

For Nominations, Doggy Style’s parking was called into question, Pony Shafter’s Punch Up with a Hedge was a highlight and Gaffer did his best to shout over the noise of a lively Spoons on a Wednesday night!

Down Downs went to:
The above-named and…others!

On On to PLYMSTOCK

Photo credit: Beefy (PH3…and now, The Dark Side!! Oh no, sorry – SH4.)
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🏃 📸 🍻 You can enjoy some further tree-strewn photo evidence from the Avonwick Hash on 12th March 2025 by checking out Hash Flash’s purpose-built photo album on the SH4 Facebook page 📸 🏃🍻

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Next SH4 Hash 🐷👣:
HASH 1517 – PLYMSTOCK, 19th March 2025

CIRCLE UP 7.25pm
Outside the Elburton Hotel, Plymstock, PL9 8HX
What3Words: twin.grades.noises

ON DOWN:
Inside the Elburton Hotel, Plymstock, PL9 8HX

Hares: Fluffy Dice and Silly Shunt

For further info, please see the Hash 1517 event page on the SH4 Facebook Group.

Add your photos of how the day went down (Weds19th March, 2025) to the Hash 1517 photo album on SH4’s Facebook page , courtesy: Rubbery.

📝 If you are the lucky Scribe at Plymstock on 19th March, please submit your edition of The Words to thewords@sh4.org.uk by Sunday evening (23rd March, 2025) – TVM! 📝
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SH4 ‘EALTH & SAFETY

Please make a note of the new SH4 hash phone number and add it to your phone:

🌟 SH4 hash phone number: 07922 103701 🌟

Use this number to call for assistance if you come ‘unstuck’ out on the trail, or need to get a message to ‘base camp’ (On Down) during the run .

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🌟 Don’t forget to see Rusty Bottom or Ching Chong before the hash to log you out on trail using the new-fangled checking-out/checking-in app (developed by our very own digital-wizard, Whisperer).

Don’t forget to also check back in with the ‘On Secs you’re safely back. 🌟

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SH4 MercHASHdise

Show your love for SH4 and wear your membership proudly with a bespoke SH4 car sticker!

Available exclusively to SH4 members (and, to be fair, anyone else who wants one…) for the bargain sum of £0.50 ea., you can afford one for every vehicle in your fleet! 😊

See a member of the committee at the next meet for yours.

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