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HASH 1527 – WEMBURY
Well, the Hares had sorted some decent weather for the Wembury experience. Intrepid hashers gathered in a quiet and peaceful Wembury Park car park – quiet and peaceful, that is, until shattered by the shrill peeeeepage of Doggie Style‘s whistle. A history lesson followed on the ‘uninhibited’ Mewstone (aka Alcatraz, but don’t tell Donald) which no doubt we would see later [Ed. brazen exhibitionist that it is…]. Various heads were scratched at Blown Off’s explanation of a Titty Check.

L/S/W all set off in different directions. A new record was set for the Walkers getting lost……150m! Well, more Winnie forgetting which way the trail went and spending 10 minutes on various devices/platforms trying to find out [Ed. sounds to me like an elaborate ruse to build a little sun-bathing opportunity into the evening…].

Boaty was seen to run through several 3-dot check backs as obviously had totally forgotten what they are. WGAS was seen hiding a check from Beef Curtains and making him run miles the wrong way [Ed. WGAS seems to have got a little too enamoured with the role of Chief Mischief-maker during Wet Spot’s recent absence… Brace yourselves, hashers, for the inevitable battle for rascally supremacy… 😬]. Overshot has obviously been auditioning for the local AmDram society as, after stumbling over an oversized pebble, he squealed like a stuffed pig and threw his arms around like Mr Tickle. Dragon was overdoing the PH3 tradition of actually kissing at the many kissing gates en route… Who said Lazy Git could not sprint anymore! [Ed. Clearly, he’s just been waiting for the ‘right’ conditions’..] But was it to, or away from, the gates? Name confusion ensued, maybe due to the sea air: new names = Beef Flaps not Beef Curtains, courtesy of WGAS; Everhard not Rear Entry, courtesy of Fluffy Dice.

Wet Spot was in some dense bush shouting ‘on two’ [Ed. second base, eh,Wet Spot? A bit indelicate to boast about it, though…] with Can`t Come… at which stage, the rest of the Longs ran off and left them there. Brucey Bonus for menopausal [Ed. allegedly…] Olive who also received an admission from Red Clover[-proffering] Wet Spot that he was her secret admirer/stalker….He is only human; he is not made of wood. Olive said she was totally underwhelmed and [Ed. ‘but’?]  even though he had a Crimewatch face she would give him the best 8 seconds of his life. I did question whether WS could manage it twice. [Ed. although…perhaps the cry of ‘on two’ meant something else?]

Some of the longs called Hare Blown Off “a villain”, and a few other adjectives, for making them run up a big hill then back down again and cackling rather loudly. Fluffy, with a little local knowledge, however, sneakily avoided the hill, shortcut and was first back the pub. [Ed. Another scholar of the Gaffer school of hashing.]

Filth decided Olive needed an extra loop, so went to the pub with the car key. Luckily, and for a change, it was still light when Slimline Olive got back. Think it was [a deliberate trick by Filth] to get Olive back for the number of emergency stops on the way to the hash, and Olive suggesting that there should be driving re-tests for the over 70`s.

At the pub, RA Nice Tackle started the proceedings with a joke using some big ‘G’ words which I had no idea how to spell. The pub was thanked. (Top pub…it had huge container on the bar selling hot pork scratchings.) Returning Hasher bus-driving Flowery Twat was welcomed back. There was a suggestion that the Hash has been/should be renamed SHSW4 [South Hams Hash House Harriers Slimming World]… Filth was latest to succumb [Ed. subscribe?], and had received her Slimming World 2-stone weight loss certificate. GHR was nearly at target and now running with, and annoying, the Longs and affecting the status quo of the FRBs. It was rumoured Overshot short cut on the beach section to shouts of ‘foul!’ by Everhard Rear Entry.

Blown Off was also stressed about the numbers of hashers not following the trail. Olive and Lowt’arse were accused of being FRBs for first time ever to howls of ‘must have shortcut’ and ‘not kicking out the checks or shouting out On On”… Heinous crimes, along with Rear Entry – so that’s why he always wins!! Yours faithfully was dobbed in it by passenger Beefy for thinking Red was Green [Ed. a bit awkward, actually, that there red/green colour-blindness…]. Lactaster lost her earring in somebody’s bush [Ed. 😳].

STOP-PRESS: The lovely Shaggy remained vertical, and not horizontal, despite trying to shoulder-charge a tree out of the way. Nice Tackle suggested wrapping Shaggy in bubble-wrap. Sounds decidedly dodgy…but fun. [Ed. The bubblewrap innovation is so last-week 🙃 (and also not terribly practical on a warm evening, it transpires…)]

Seems yet another slimmer, Come Tonight, used Toby the dog as an excuse not to do the Longs as he was poorly – and ‘shittin 4 Britain’, added GHR [Ed. Not clear whether it was the dog or GHR so afflicted….and if this, perhaps, was the secret to GHR’s new super-streamlined physique…?] .

Olive raced (I can hear Gaffer’s voice now… ‘It`s not a race!’) Whisperer up a hill, which she won – mainly due to the fact Whisperer didn’t want to spill his Stella.

Can`t Come was heard panting like a steam engine on the way up from the beach… Some recognised it from anonymous phone calls they had received. WGAS and Rizzo were last to arrive back – must have got waylaid, alfresco.

Doggy Style was handing out ICE forms to fill in, stretching the academic ability of some. TA, Oui Oui, described Beefy as holding the pen with ‘caki fingers’…[Ed. sounds a little more dubious than the traditional turn of phrase 👀 (‘cack-handed’ )…] Youth of today: not used to holding such items.

Olive was desperately trying to fill the RA schedule, and even agreed to providing fluffing services if I did it on 30th July. She then admitted she didn’t actually know what that was and asked mine-of-information, Whisperer. Looking forward to the 30th… [Ed.and this is why it is so important to read the small-print… 😳] Nice Tackle announced to the assembled masses that he now lives in Wembury. He was later seen to be accosted by two locals at the end of the bar who were giving him details of the Coven gatherings and sacrificing of Virgins. A rare species in Wembury, I would say.

Down Downs were awarded, belatedly, to:

• Hares, Blown Off and Winnie
• Boaty….hash mark ignorance
• Stalker Wet Spot (nominated Beefy)
• And 2-stone-lighter Filth

On On to Creeks End Inn at KINGSBRIDGE

Much Love

Pony Pony Pony 🐴

Photo credit: Beefy & Doggy Style

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🏃 📸 🍻 You can enjoy more footage of the photogenic Wembury and environs on 21st May 2025 by checking out Hash Flash’s purpose-built photo album on the SH4 Facebook page 📸 🏃🍻

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Next SH4 Hash 🐷👣: 

HASH 1528 – KINGSBRIDGE – 28th May, 2025

CIRCLE UP 7.25pm

Outside the Creeks End Inn
Squares Quay
Kingsbridge
TQ7 1HN

What3Words: https://w3w.co/flames.craziest.costly

ON DOWN:

inside and outside (it’s summer, after all) the Creek’s End Inn

Hares: Muckspreader & Nice Buns

HASH FOOD – Orders need to be in by today, so if you haven’t already ordered/seen the below menu and would like to order, please contact Nice Buns/Muckspreader asap!

BASKET MEALS:

• Hot pork, stuffing and apple bap – £9.50
• Hot beef bap – £8.50
• Jumbo Sausage & chips – £9.50
• BBQ pulled pork dirty fries, topped with cheese – £10.50
• Beefburger with bacon & cheese – £10.95
• Southern-friend chicken burger with lettuce & mayo – £10.50
• Three chicken strips & chips – £6.90
• Chips/Skinny fried – £3.95
• Cheesy chips/cheesy fries – £4.50
  

For further info, please see the Hash 1528 event page on the SH4 Facebook Group.

Add your photos of how the day went down (Weds 28th May, 2025) to the Hash 1528 photo album on SH4’s Facebook page , courtesy: Rubbery.

📝 If you are the lucky Scribe at Kingsbridge on 28th May, please submit your edition of The Words to thewords@sh4.org.uk by Sunday evening (1 June, 2025) – TVM! 📝

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SH4 ‘EALTH & SAFETY

Please make a note of the SH4 hash phone number and add it to your phone:

🌟 SH4 hash phone number: 07922 103701 🌟

Use this number to call for assistance if you come ‘unstuck’ out on the trail, or need to get a message to ‘base camp’ (On Down) during the run.

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  Don’t forget to see Rusty Bottom or Ching Chong before the hash to log you out on trail using the new-fangled checking-out/checking-in app (developed by our very own digital-wizard, Whisperer).

Don’t forget to also check back in with the ‘On Secs once you’re safely back. 

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SH4 MercHASHdise 

Show your love for SH4 and wear your membership proudly with a bespoke SH4 car sticker!

Available exclusively to SH4 members (and, to be fair, anyone else who wants one…) for the bargain sum of £0.50 ea., you can afford one for every vehicle in your fleet! 😊

See a member of the committee at the next hash meet to get yours.

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