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Hash 1571 – SOUTH BRENT

Wet Spot put in an appearance, so I thought it would be a good time to volunteer to do the Words because he rarely disappoints in the misdemeanour department (Ed. astute move, Know Nuts 👏). Goolie beat him to the first offence, however, by parking his yellow monster in the middle of the car park entrance. He was berated by Gaffer later but, in fairness it wasn’t his fault! The car parks itself, so I’m fairly sure the onboard computer became tired of his meddling and just stopped at the first opportunity.

Blown Off was in a dazed state at the Circle Up, a little unsure where he was. Apparently, Winnie the Poo had had to take him in hand and bundle him in the car to get him to the hash on time (Ed. tactical GM-napping – a Cinderella story!).

Willy Waiver gave a detailed account of the hash and seemed reluctant to give us the off (Ed. seemed rather a shame to interrupt a good story…(as a work of fiction it definitely was]). When he finally did, there was one clear leader of the pack: yes, it was I, Know Nuts blazing the trail! Sense soon prevailed, however, and I dropped back to my normal position bringing up the rear (Ed. a noble move, Know Nuts – you know how the FRBs get if they don’t feel like they’re ‘winning’…😉).

Anchorman took over the lead and ran out of control up hill and down dale with total disregard for the trail. Garry Glitter had also put in an appearance, so the pack of slow oldies at the rear was quite a decent size (Ed. you’re on your own, KN…👀). Overshot, who was on the Long, caught us in the woods and pushed into Nokkers, almost knocking her over (Ed. he’s got form, that one), and I had to dodge out of the way to avoid breaking her fall (Ed. and they say chivalry is dead…). Muckspreader didn’t fancy the woods and used the opportunity to short cut to take the lead, whilst Gaffer had a bit of an epiphany by the river.

Nokkers came upon a check and straddled it in a most peculiar way; Oui Oui was worried (Ed. a little light on details, here, but perhaps for the best!!).

Cowpat drew on her 28 years of hashing experience and took to kicking out checks to avoid a pattern developing (Ed. of not kicking checks? Of hashers wandering in circles about the moor, hopelessly off-trail? I’m going to be controversial here and suggest there is an inevitability to this pattern which simply cannot be overridden…) kicking out no less than three! All correctly, which was more than can be said for our illustrious leader, Blown Off, who allegedly, (likely due to the previously-identified confused state), was kicking them out willy nilly and the wrong way.

Vindaloo and Lady Godiva soon formed a breakaway and I tagged along, giving them the title of ‘the Fast Ladies’ (Ed. yes, the use of ‘ladies’ makes it so much more respectful…👀😆). Vindaloo leapt onto a stile and announced she had a small frog! I was slightly taken aback, asking her if it was a euphemism for something? She didn’t comment (Ed. she’s a lady, Know Nuts!) but decided to kiss the frog to see if really it was a handsome prince! The frog wasn’t having any of it and promptly jumped into the bush and hid! (Handsome prince references should be credited to Gaffer). Lady Godiva phoned a friend on the mobile for help (Ed. not all emergencies are of a medical nature – always carry your phone, people! 😆😆).

GHR didn’t know I was doing the Words and discreetly admitted to me he was under orders to stay with Come 2 Nite for a bit of company. At the earliest opportunity he made a break for it and Come 2 Nite said “that’s the last I’ll see of him till we’re back at the pub”. They later both denied it. (Ed. a solid policy.)

Barbarella also abandoned Low T’arse with some lame excuse. Low T’arse teamed up with Ching Chong only to get lost on the moor. Badcock loomed out of the mist to rescue them (Ed. hash hero 👏).

Wet Spot regaled me with tales of misadventures in the mist on the moor which didn’t portray Gaffer in a very good light. When I was gathering information, I asked Gaffer for his version of events and he stood quite erect and said he was R.A. and would give his version then! Well, he did and it was almost completely opposite to what Wet Spot had told me. So, who do we believe? As Scribe I feel it my duty to make a determination! Wet Spot is much maligned (Ed. let me find my tiny violin…) but I have always found him to be a pillar of integrity, so will record the apparent events accordingly: Gaffer had become disorientated by the mist and it was reported “he was running around like a chicken with its head cut off.” At one point he was running at a hedge believing there was an opening, when there wasn’t. Gaffer then said “Moss only grows on the north side of a tree” but there were no trees (Ed. if you are, instead, inclined to believe the RA, simply substitute ‘Gaffer’ with ‘Wet Spot’ in the above story).

Wet Spot was a little disappointed: not only did he have to save Gaffer but he said the group he was running with were so slow even Olive had overtaken them. Olive’s appearance had a temporary disorientating effect on Wet Spot who then mistakenly told Lactaster that Avonwick was just around the corner when it was several miles in the opposite direction. Others have taken this as being a mischievous act to undermine Wet Spot when he was just trying to be helpful (Ed. unbelievable. Where’s your faith in– oh, hang on.).

Gary Glitter was oblivious to all this carry-on, but she was a little peckish. Spotting Jyde’s mid-run Mars Bar, she could see no harm in taking a nibble and promptly ate it (Ed. oh, Goldilocks Glitter…tut, tut.). Jyde was so affected he immediately short-cutted to the beer stop and dug in to the Jelly Babies (Ed. amazing he even had the energy to short-cut, poor man!).

Willy Waiver had produced a tremendous beer stop which one Harriet said was like Abigail’s Party, with cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks (Ed. universally recognised party-food gold standard, I think you’ll find).

Olive told me she was first back from the Longs and Blown Off also said he was first back! I don’t know who to believe, but Low T’arse said she along with Ching Chong were last back – which I do believe.

Gaffer, as R.A. soon took command at the pub. First off, he explained that it was Yeuck’s birthday that very day, and the only reason he was here at the hash and not wining and dining her was because Olive had asked him to R.A. this evening and he was just too polite to refuse. Make your own mind up about that. (Ed. all I’ll say is that it was Yeuck’s birthday…) Gaffer then told some story about the T-Shirt he was wearing, (which wasn’t a T- Shirt), which nobody quite understood. Gaffer’s version of events in the mist on the moor was almost exactly opposite of what is described above.

Then it was over.

Down Downs went to:

• Yeuck – Birthday
• Willie Waiver – Hare
• Badcock – Hare
• Keeps Tripping – Hare
• Overshot – Pushing
• Olive – Just to watch her struggle with the down down

The tragic demise of not one but two faithful sets of trail shoes on the hash this evening. Photo credit: Beefy

🏃 📸 🍻   You can enjoy a couple more photos from the South Brent hash on 25th February 2026 by checking out the Hash 1571 photo album on the SH4 Facebook page. 🏃 📸 🍻

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Next SH4 Hash 🐷👣: 
HASH 1572 –  5th March, 2026 

CIRCLE UP 7.25pm

Leonard’s Road Car Park, PL21 0SL
Https://what3words.com/informs.manly.flopping

ON DOWN:
The Exchange, PL21 9AB
Https://what3words.com/etchings.chatting.movements

Hares: Anchorman
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For more info, please see the Hash 1572 event page on the SH4 Facebook Group.

Add your photos of how the evening went down (on Weds 5th March, 2026) to the Hash 1572 photo album  on SH4’s Facebook page.

📝 If you are the lucky Scribe at IVYBRIDGE on 5th March, please submit your edition of The Words to thewords@sh4.org.uk by Sunday evening (9th March, 2026) – TVM! 📝

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SH4 ‘EALTH & SAFETY

Please make a note of the SH4 hash phone number and add it to your phone:

🌟 SH4 hash phone number: 07922 103701 🌟

Use this number to call for assistance if you come ‘unstuck’ out on the trail, or need to get a message to ‘base camp’ (On Down) during the run.

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  Don’t forget to see Rusty Bottom before the hash to log you out on trail using the new-fangled checking-out/checking-in app (developed by our very own digital-wizard, Whisperer).

Don’t forget to also check back in with Rusty once you’re safely back. 

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SH4 MercHASHdise 

Show your love for SH4 and wear your membership proudly with a bespoke SH4 car sticker!

Available exclusively to SH4 members (and, to be fair, anyone else who wants one…) for the bargain sum of £0.50 ea., you can afford one for every vehicle in your fleet! 😊

See a member of the committee at the next hash meet to get yours.

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