|Circle Up – Usual spiel from the GM including a heart felt complaint about not being told of the left over breakfast nicely parceled up in his jean pockets which meant he was not in the right frame of mind to see the kind gift as a wholesome early morning snack on Thursday.
So with a swollen pack due to the October half term the RA found keeping the rabble in check harder than usual especially when introducing the Visitors of the night, with the GM losing the will to live it was on to the hare.
Runty by end or Tyred Bunny (any normal day if Dead man walking was not RA for the night) provided the normal rouse about a 2 mile walkers route, 4 mile short and 5-6mile long which as expected were as accurate as the hares NHS accounts. Along with the dubious lengths were the standard lies regarding no shiggy, little road and caution when crossing the dual carriageway.
Particular notice was afforded to Pissbags attired as the normal catwalk outfit was surprisingly replaced by a ninja style; looking ready to stealthily attack the hash single handily (which would have been something worth seeing) shortly out of the village she was perfectly camouflaged and not seen for the remainder of the run, here safe return was clear when she arrived in the pub changed and perfectly manicured. So with nothing to note here On-on it was and into the fields. The trail was laid well with the majority of the hash kept guessing the direction of travel, so much so even the FRB’s Re-entry, Overshot and Dimwit unwittingly (or so they said) took a big shortcut to take the lead and never to be seen again.
The remainder of the pack, after eventually finding there way out of the fields and onto tarmac, found the trail unexpectedly half way up the hedge almost like it was laid through the passenger side window of a car.
So having pounded the asphalt for a couple of km’s, it was back on to tracks and bridal ways, with a large amount of sticky and slick mud to deal with, it was heard Sushi found out about the slick stuff when over vigorously attempting a sharp bend which was subsequently extended into a beauty mud bath when elegantly landing face down like a pig in ****. However Sushi was not the only hasher caught out in the mud it was heard Check mate was assisted out of the mud by a fellow hasher but this was not SM Ellie as her attention was diverted to aiding an “unnamed child” out of the mud. On the flip side Flage no lay was heard to have told pimples she had been sucked off when she was lost . . no further questions.
So with the hashers being taken on road, off road, on road, off road; majority of the pack had copious amounts of the sticky stuff caked on there lower limbs which created some amusement with a few hashers as to who’s cars they would be smearing the delight in on their way home.
So when a small ford was spotted on leaving one slightly less stick / slick field a large number of pack took the opportunity to give there limbs and faithful steads a quick rinse but only to be mid calf deep in mud less than 3 strides beyond much to the amusement of those that had not spotted the watery feature.
So with a field and a little tarmac to go it was noted that Gaffer had clearly not realised he was not the hare for the night as he was spotted sweeping the trail, not missing the opportunity rubbery was quick to cop a feel which took gaffer by surprise.
It was later noted that Just horny had been identified as a hash saboteur as she led a number of the pack including meaty whore (informant tight arse) up hills and down dales. On a similar note rusty bottom was said to have followed the dots to a cross so turned tail and ran back only to be told by the hare to run through it, some would have thought the rules of the hash were mere rumour.
So with the pack returned or so we thought we circled up.
Pure Clic (Circle Up)-
With Deadman walking having gone to extra ordinary lengths to work out the anagrams of the majority of the pack it was clear he was going to have to wedge the best ones in some how. However in true deadman style he couldn’t start without providing a few of his best worst jokes
How many Hash Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, One to promise a brighter future and the other to screw it up
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools
Finally to Goolie – How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Thats not funny!!!
It was noted that on other hash it events murmurings of two hashers being spotted in back alleys (Boaty / She’s ready were being whispered), these have not been confirmed but self confession was rife.
Finally with down downs decided it was quickly noted that the hare was nowhere in sight. A slight oversight by all 3 hares meant 4 hashers (Shorts) were still out on the trail and crawled into the pub on cue to announce their disappointment in the trail and saddened by the poor H&S record of the hares. It appears the troop had spent some time doing loop da loops in the same field only to decide to back track to the nearest road and hot foot it back having done nearer to 9 miles.
On a health and safety note it is considered best practice for the hares to sweep the course and or ensure clear unmistakable marks are left for stragglers to follow to ensure the safe return of all. However hashers can take personal mobile phones to aid direction in similar situations – please look out for the pack on all trails.
On a lighter note Deadman walking anagram is “Mad and Like a Wang”.