The words according Triple Top
As with all good stories this is based on tiny threads of actual truths, and the names have changed to protect the innocent!!!
In the build up to this trail a recce was had in unseasonable mild weather compared to a normal November hash, insert Global warming quote at will! With the route fresh in my mind, fast forward 4 days, and the standard near hurricane conditions returned, as what should be had for any self-respecting hare to lay a coastal trail in November.
Pulling up to the On-Down mid-afternoon I was met with a sleet hail storm, and almost instantaneously a message on the messenger page from Nice Buns, stating that-the weather was not bad enough and looked far worse for the Pre Christmas hash-so she could not attend as this trail would not be hardcore enough, snigger snigger. With that I was off into the wind to lay the trail, unfortunately my near 6ft hulk type frame was instantly buffeted by the wind, a rethink was taken in the shade of some tall grass and the routes amended accordingly to the abomination you all took part in !!
Anyhow, enough about me, and onto how the Hare gets to write the words for his own hash. As the darkness descended the wind turned to wind and rain, as the droves of hashers started to descend on the sleepy hollow of Down Thomas. Wetspot first, 35min early and then parking in the middle of the already full carpark, scurried in to order his food and then coming out stating the pub was empty-who the hell owns all these cars!! He then decided to park in the Community Centre carpark, wheel spinning out and heading south 400m of the pub. I stood like a lost schoolboy in the entrance, directing many who had braved the weather (or just didn’t want to watch Coronation street) the same way, changing the circle up to there.
The GM called order through a traffic cone and the usual housekeeping duties squared away, asked for a volunteer to write the words. Silence fell upon the hardy souls hopping around in the wind and rain, seizing my chance to squash the usual comments of a sh~te trail by Gaffer I grabbed my chance, “me me I will do it”. So it was agreed, the usual lies of 3 and 5 flat, hilly, road, off road was spouted, and the crew was off into the darkness. Ging Gang and Goolie disappeared right onto the walkers-the only sensible ones-as the others herded through the tiny stile, into the sludge, and across the fields. GHR in shorts had already had enough 300m in though, barely dressed in the shortest shorts I have ever seen, I could almost see what he had had for lunch!
The FRB’s disappeared into the distance not to be seen again. The shorts all stuck together early on followed on hunting the longs down. Down down down to the coastal path longs splitting onto the beach Wetspot prancing/powering his way across the sand onto the rocks only to disappear into a puddle, Gaffer giggling at his misfortune to almost immediately slip onto his front, trying to disguise his faux pa by claiming it was a press up!!
The group both longs and shorts slip and slided around the headland as the rain cleared only to be further harassed by the unrelenting wind. Technical checks kept most guessing as they wound around the coast, before heading back in land to the redundant WW2 gun emplacements. By all accounts most partook in the free historical tour though some pushing on, as the alcohol was preferred over the history lesson. The shorts splitting left to wind back up the footpath/river that flowed toward them and onto the road back to pub.
The FRB’s now long gone zig zagged back and forth bickering about its this way or that way and looking at the Strava routes a wild interpretation of the actual route was had (thanks Shaggy for the description!!). Sweeping behind, only expecting the FRB’s to have braved the elements, I was surprised to see a trail of lights before me on the coast like fire flies on a summers evening!! Olive Barbarella and Lotarse bringing up the rear, with the usual happy go lucky attitude I have come to admire, plodding away slowly reeling in Rizzo, WGAS, and a couple others as they yo yoed ahead, then getting lost and being re-caught.
Time get to the pointy end the FRB’s…..Gaffer and Overshot duelling like a couple of samurai’s: “its this way”, “no this way” spouting lies of there being more than 3 marks before the back track…..lies all lies. To Blown Off and Re entry doing loops for fun, then completely missing the last section only to re-join back on the road. Conversations of long cutting batted back and forth in the pub, with phones out and routes being waved around, Overshot clocking nearly 7 miles.. good man!!
Back to the tail end, and the ladies trudging away, and ending up being the only ones to do the actual route!!
To the pub
Rolling in at 21:00 after sweeping duties completed, I was expecting to be thrown in the stocks, but to my surprise, as most were slightly inebriated I seem to have dodged a bullet.
Tall tails then ensued with puffed out chests between many factions of hashers, the best being Goolie and Ging Gang who whilst enjoying the walk of shame had inadvertently followed a path around into some private farmland to be greeted with the classic GET OFF MY LAAAAND. Goolie responding, “WGAS is that you?”.
Onto the nominations which from memory are probably completely wrong:
Goolie for his farmers impression
Can’t Come who had to choose between buying their delightful daughter a waterproof running Jacket, or booking the all-inclusive holiday to Perran Sands for the family, was heard to say “I got a great deal on a sombrero for the hols”
Triple Top for the best trail laid that day
Olive cant recall though I am sure I will be reminded!!
Re-Entry for long cutting, free styling a better route than the actual route
On that note these words will probably ensure I am never asked again!!
Onto the Pre Christmas Hash
Well done to triple threat, triple top; he hared, swept, he worded