The words according to Barbarella
So there we all were, on a dry Saturday morning outside the entrance to Woodbury Country Club. Some of us were looking forward to hashing in daylight. Others looked like the night before had taken its toll and they would rather be in a darkened room, notably Who Gives a Shit. Going Down was welcomed back and we were joined by some visitors including hashers from Devon A to B.
Bit of Ruff gave some instructions about loops and Beer Stops but no-one was listening. He suggested that in order to avoid a bottle neck in the first mile the faster runners should go off first. Nobody moved! Then everybody set off together ……and sure enough there was a bottle neck in the first mile as we all trekked single file along the side of a stream trying not to get wet feet in the first ten minutes.
Overexposed planned to take the short split but Rusty Bottom had other ideas, so the long it was. Another long-time-no-hasher was Blue Nun who made a spectacular return by completing two long loops on his first hash for months. No excuses on Wednesday.
The multiple loop route meant that in no time we were at the first beer stop cheerily manned by Pony Shafter and Broken Man. Never one to miss an opportunity to moan, Gaffer expressed his disgust that there was no full-fat coke on offer. Gaffer, if its performance enhancing drugs you need halfway through a hash then Olive and Barbarella can recommend Nurofen washed down with Amaretto! This cocktail was so effective that The Lost Causes (Olive, Lowtarse and Barbarella) were actually the FRBs for the second long loop. So unaccustomed are they to leading the hash they couldn’t understand why no one had marked the way for them. At first they thought ‘those B****** FRBs haven’t kicked the checks out’; then they thought ‘we must be the only ones running this route’; and then they heard a thundering stampede coming from behind. Ah! So that was why! They wouldn’t have been so conscientious in marking the checks had they realised!
There was a disturbing report of animal cruelty perpetrated by Overshot who apparently not only lived up to his name but also managed to kick a dog. Twice!
Dobby was sounding like a child in the back seat on a long journey continually asking how far he had run. Gaffer wondered why he didn’t know as he kept looking at his watch……and then realised that Dobby was keeping up with the football scores. (Sad day for Plymouth Argyle I was told.)
Big Foot sauntered casually around the long loop, hands behind his back, never breaking into either a jog or a sweat and keeping perfect pace with the sprinting Lost Causes.
And so we neared the pub the smell of pasties in the breeze. Flower Power reckoned that he knew a short cut. Short cut it may have been…..but to the wrong pub.
Meanwhile the intrepid Lost Causes were fast approaching the village rejoicing in the fact that they wouldn’t be last back this time as they were still ahead of Rizzo, Who gives a Shit and the rest of their posse of longs.
At this point Olive decided that she really couldn’t wait until the pub to have a wee. She followed a footpath sign and ducked in behind a hedge. Barbarella and Lowtarse loitered in the lane and shouted a warning through the hedge when a man pushing a lady in a wheelchair appeared heading straight for where Olive was secreted. It must have been a big wee because Olive still didn’t appear. What to do to avoid red faces all round? Quick thinking Lowtarse and Barbarella blocked the path and engaged the couple in conversation so that they couldn’t turn the corner and find Olive. Whilst this was going on Rizzo and the remaining longs sprinted past leaving the Lost Causes last home to the pub as usual.
At least there were plenty of pasties.
Goolie presided over the proceedings thanking the hares for a great hash.
Down Downs were awarded to:
Bit-of-Ruff and Little Chef – hares
Jyde for his birthday (How old??!!)
Flower Power for going to the wrong pub
Olive too many reasons to record
And Overshot for animal cruelty.