The words according to Vindaloo

Malborough Hash (or the case of the missing banana)

It was with a wistful glance to the rainy skies that I set off to meet my lift, with chauffeur Barbie at the wheel and navigator Barbarella, avoiding the hazards of standing water and pot holes on our way to Malborough. The blue skies of Saturday were now in the past, as was our lovely day out to Kingsbridge and Salcombe. Can’t Come had hung up his swirly red dress until it’s next outing, and CALL OFF THE SEARCH, Goolie’s special Tshirt had been located not in the pubs of Kingsbridge, but in his hash bag all along. As we parked up, nobody rushed to get out of their vehicles, Cow Pat had a telling off from TB for parking incorrectly in her space, yes she was technically between the lines but too far over one side, is there a hash tape measure anywhere? TB was also in the frame when Olive asked to stow her keys in his exhaust pipe, but was advised that his pipes were too hot for her gentle hands!! Ooh err

Traffic Jam and Windy Balls appeared out of the mist, with instructions for the Hash, but what was this, an announcement that a banana had gone missing on the trail, it had absconded from Windy Balls’ rucksack, the SEARCH was very much back on indeed. This added a certain excitement to the trail, a treasure hunt for sure. TJ and WB also had to confess that they had forgotten their torches, so up stepped our own GM Rizzo, to help out with a giant torch the size of a wine gum, WGAS ever helpful also offered a light. Second Coming living up to his name only just made the hash, as his first coming or going, he went to Aveton Gifford as Rizzo had told him that is where it was, a week too soon. I think she was too busy writing out her jokes to concentrate on the hash location.

We set off this way and that, slithering our way around the trail, our small band trotting along Nokkers, Jyde, Know Nuts, TB and Cow Pat, we were passed by some of the longs running up hill like they do. Know Nuts was lamenting running in the rain whilst Nutcracker was cosy in the Prosecco wagon, no he would not be persuaded to do a stint as RA any more, his head dress deemed no longer politically correct, and was for home use only (!!) After a little while we came upon the aforementioned banana, we stood in a small circle and looked at it, Know Nuts said that we must not touch it, like it was radioactive or something or some sort of trap. WB came along shortly after and scooped it up, that was destined to be chopped up with his next day’s muesli, at least the mystery was solved.

It was beginning to get dark when the trail took us to the Beer Stop, where the ever dutiful Rubbery was waiting with Saturday’s leftovers (alas none of Spotty’s excellent flapjack) but there was some passion fruit alcoholic drink that put a spring in Cow Pat’s step in the closing section of the hash. However the snacks on offer were not to everyone’s liking, Undercovers complained that the orange dust on the Wotsits stuck to his teeth, I suppose you can’t please everyone, perhaps they had been rolling around loose in the boot of the car, maybe a re-naming, Sticky Wotsits would be an excellent hash name.

On the subject of complaining, serial complainer Wet Spot fell over and here is the contentious line, he said that he cried like a GIRL, he didn’t enjoy the hash and just wanted it all to be over, poor baby, it will all be forgotten next week and his scarred hands will hopefully have healed.

Considering the inclement weather, the hash was well laid and the marks were not washed out, only one section was a cross half removed by a vehicle driving over it, which sent to longs further along the coast path by Overbecks, but they had the good sense eventually to realise that they had gone wrong. This led Olive, Barbarella and Lotarse not to be last back, as they were not taken in by the detour. The hares even put in a view point, a fence line festooned with bras, all flapping in the breeze,( maybe VP really meant Very Pointy)

Time for the down downs soon arrived, a new (to the South Hams) RA stood up She’s Ready, announcing herself with a small horn, not quite as loud as Rubbery’s but a smaller more slimline version, it took a few honks to call the crowd to order, then everyone backed away to give her centre stage. After some Abba jokes, she awarded the drinks to the Hares, WGAS, Rizzo, Olive and Wet Spot – the usual suspects
On On to AG next week, hope the tide is out!!