The words according to Py

Hurrah! This day is National Tiara Day! (allegedly, as informed by our RA for the day, Gaffer!) However, I shall remember 24th May 2023 as “Simply The Best” on account of the sad news that Tina Turner has died and that we had simply the most glorious moorland hash in Dartmoor history! No rain, no wind, no fog… just beautiful, wall to wall, sunshine! Is this really Dartmoor in May?!

Now everyone knows that I love a Dartmoor hash, whatever the weather, and I used to love Shipley Bridge free carpark too…. but it would appear that Shipley Bridge has joined the trend of ‘pay by mobile phone’ carparks… conveniently forgetting that most mobile networks have no signal on the moor! Just love a bit of parking confusion at the start of a hash! Hashers starting a new dance craze jumping with phones raised high… Traffic Jam was having none of it drove off to park on the road… Can’t Come decided to risk a fine … I think Rubbery was contemplating how much he could earn in beers if he offered his services as HASH parking warden…

The hares, Winnie the Pooh & Blown Off, had given us advance warnings of savage tics on the rampage with creative suggestions of how to deal with the pesky plague. Hence, having paid full attention to their helpful post, I had come fully prepared for the pesky blighters although I decided that Winnie’s suggestion of a flame thrower may have been little extreme! Nokkers watched enviously as I covered poor Fen in copious amounts of DIY doggy insect repellent – and then doused herself in my homemade concoction. Fen was unamused, but fragrant! Our resident vet, Re-entry, was scathing – but, as it worked a treat, I think I should market it on Dragons’ Den!

At the circle up, the hares, Winnie the Pooh & Blown Off, earnestly explained that the trails were easy to follow and everyone should be back in an hour… (a likely story!)…just one little dodgy bit for the longs which should be fine so long as you ‘go down the middle’ (middle of what?!!)…. oh, and remember that we did suggest that you should bring towels…. (aagghh, water must be involved!)

Yeuk pushed forward a visitor into the limelight: welcome to Eager Beaver from Sidcup! (I hope she can swim!)

The pack split at the start: the longs headed out along the lane, the shorts straight up the hill onto the moor through the herd of ewes and lambs (yea! a good excuse to climb up slowly!) The excellent trail included everything from bastard grass, bluebell woodland, spectacular views, stream hopping, bog crossing, to the dizzy heights of tor scaling and the chilling river swim to the On Home! To quote Re-entry, “it was simply the best hash ever” …. but, as he was observed being a dirty short cutter, he skipped the best bits!

The FRBs (Re-entry, Overshot, and probably others…!!) were accused of serious misdemeanours; they were seen shortcutting everywhere and even missed out river crossings! What a disgrace! They are clearly not real hashers at all, just common fell runners in disguise…

Spotty Botty was heard shrieking at Snot Gobbler to stop climbing up the vertical side of the tor (“who does he think he is? Edmond Hillary?”) But Snot Gobbler was clearly having a wild time as he was later seen cavorting with Pick Pocket and pushing her down into a bog, poor thing!

Bit of Ruff was spotted up to no good in the woods …. watering the bluebells, I believe!

Having cycled to the hash (some hashers will do anything to avoid paying car parking!), Bad Cock & Willy Waiver have claimed triathlon medals for this evening’s endurance event as apparently they both cycled, ran and swam … however, I am not sure that a moorland jog and a two minute wade through the Avon quite make the grade!

On a more sober note, I understand that our pack suffered a couple of injuries this evening: Hasher Paul apparently limped off close to the start and Barbarella fell half way through the trail injuring her shoulder on a rock. Our helpful heroes, Filth and Rubbery managed to drive their cars up the SWW track to rescue the unfortunate harriette – who now reports nothing broken – but the bruise is impressive.

Back at the South Brent pub, Station House Hotel, No Comment had prepared a superb hash menu as usual …. just love that I can have cake whilst others tuck into curry…whilst a desperate and penniless Vindaloo was caught scrounging popadoms!

Our RA for the day, Gaffer, fortunately discarded Squashed Balls’ idea of writing on an orange and, thankfully, passed his notes my way… The Down Downs were awarded to:

Winnie the Pooh and Blown Off – Hares
Barbarella for spectacular fall
Snotgobbler for ungentlemanly conduct
Can’t Come for half marathon antics
Bit of Ruff for sewing seeds in the bluebells!