|So Cornworthy…and the MadRuth Inn….never a truer name, but more on that later!
It was a lovely evening for hashing – warm but not hot, which was ideal considering the flatness of the surrounding area… We scurried around the village after squirreling our cars into the usual hideyholes, unless you got there super early and managed to nick a place incar park, Goolie hadn’t quite managed to reserve his usual spot of right on the doorstep so sadly Gingang had to walk up a hill before the hash even started!
The short was reported by the shorts to be more like a long, despite the fact that they all skipped the stream. They also had a good moan about the gradient and suggested to the poor hares that they should receive training on how to decipher the contour lines on an OS map. Nutcracker fell and choked on a fly, whilst Gingang fell over a gate, which Martin subsequently jumped without breaking stride. He won’t be invited back.Jyde found Ollie leaping out of the hedgerow but without Hekkel on the other end of the lead! He bravely carried on as deviating to locate his wife could have lead to negative repercussions in his rehabilitation. Goolie summarised his hash with accusations of the hares trying to kill off old hashers.
The Longs was an excellent route, with contour lines twice as close on average than the short route. The Longs also proceeded through the stream, well done them. HOWEVER, DUN DUN DUUUUUN. Not being satisfied with trying to frighten the longs to death, there was then an assassination attempt on the life of our esteemed GM. Clearly the hares had been watching Japanese WWII movies whilst planning their dastardly crime. The plot was as follows:
The hares correctly assumed that on entering Capton wood, Re-Entry would be in the lead. They then laid a false trail up a steep hill, again knowing that Re-Entry would fall for the juicy hill bait and set off up it, leaving Overshot to head on correctly out of the wood. The flour then lured Overshot into gloomy swampland, before leading him straight between two trees where those nasty hares had strung taut a rusted strand of reinforced barbed wire. Poor Overshot fell hook line and sinker for the obvious arrow and charged straight into the wire. Fortunately we shall still receive our useless history lessons on future hashes, as Overshot has been doing sit-ups for the past few months and those toned abs just prevented him being sliced in two.
A kangaroo court I am sure will find Rizzo and Marty guilty of attempted murder by diminished responsibility, having been brainwashed by Frenchy. Sadly Frenchy will likely get away with her part in the affair, as by the time charges are brought the UK will have left the EU and extradition will no longer occur.
In other news on the Longs, Just Horny was totally inept at opening gates, Dimwitrevealed his closet naturism by declaring he would simply adore to run through the long grass naked and Dead Man Walking was found sleeping in a bin.
Back to the Pub we eventually had a MadRuth bbq after being half cooked in the oven. MadRuth also had an even Madder Male Friend with extremely high trousers who didn’t seem to have any idea what was going on. It all came together nicely though with everyone well fed by the end and the unlucky few nearly bringing it back up after the dodgy cider down downs.
Down Downs were awarded to: The Hares Rizzo and Marty (Live Wire actually laid the whole trail but was so exhausted he had to go to bed, leaving the other two to claim all the credit), Nutcracker, Dimwit, Miss Mouthful, Flage No Lay and Izzy (Mini-Rizzo) now named LegsEleven.
Thanks very much indeed for a brilliant hash, finishing with a stunning hill and Pimms drink stop.
On on to the Old Inn Marlborough – please bring your money for Hash Barn Dance Tickets!!!