|HASH No. 1155. The Words according to Top Shelf
“We need someone to do the ‘Words’ tonight” said the ‘Words editor’ Flage-no-lay.
“What letter are we on?” asked Overshot. ‘T’ was the reply.
“The Jerk!” someone muttered, but he declined!
“Please God,” I thought. “Please let me be invisible! Please let everyone forget that my hash name starts with a T”, but ever alert Marty looked me straight in the eye and blasted “Top Shelf should do them!”
(Oh dear God, You’ve let me down yet again!)
Because I walked the trail I saw very little and heard even less, and because I was serving the food at the pub I had no time to take notes or listen to any ‘dirt’! So I knew I would have to rely on the R.A. Goolie’s notes, or I should say ‘scribblings’!
Anyway, these Words are written in the form of a quiz, because that’s what I do for The Modbury Inn; I write their weekly quiz (Which is held every Sunday at 8:30 by the way!)- Oops, am I breaching the “No Business Advertising” rule???
Round One : Pre-Hash
1. Tiffany and Whisperer arrived at the car-park so early that they had time for pre-hash sustenance, so off to the Exeter Inn they went, but which one of them had a pint of Stella?
2. The three Mercedes Sports cars parked next to each other (belonging to The Jerk, Tiffany, and Whisperer) looked great, all sparkly and shiny, but whose car had this comment said about it- “The inside of his car looks like a farmyard!”?
3. When the hare Barbie told us that we would be running through the site of a 1643 Civil War battle and we should look out for any old relics, why did everyone look at Bootsie?
4. The long runners were told that their run would be 6 miles, but it was actually 7.2 miles. Was the hare being deceitful? YES / NO
5. How much did Miss Mouthful’s colourful tights cost, and where were they bought? A) £3 from Lidl?
B) £30 from EBay? C) £500 from Harrods?
6. Put these four groups in order according to the number of each that attended the hash – South Hams hashers, Plympton hashers, children, dogs!
7. Now put them in order of their average IQ levels.
Round Two : The Hash
8. What did 50 odd hashers cause on reaching Modbury high road and running across the zebra crossing? A) A riot? B) An earthquake? C) A traffic jam?
9. Who hitched a lift on the back of a car on the hill leading out of the village? A) The Jerk? B) Boaty McBoatface? C) Ging-Gang?
10. What caused a ‘hasher-jam’ at the entrance to the first field? A) A dead cow? B) An old relic? C) A stile?
11. What was Little Chef accused of doing in the cornfield? A) Skipping and dancing while singing “Oh, what a beautiful day!”? B) Taking a quick No.1? C) Stealing some corns on the cob?
12. What long-running athlete did little Alex deliberately trip up? (The answer rhymes with Slim Tit!)
13. What complaint was made about the drinks stop? A) There were no jelly babies? B) The Pimms drinks were too small? C) Not enough fruit in the Pimms?
Round Three : Post-Hash
14. Why did Squashed Balls go straight to the pub, not taking part in the hash at all? A) He was hungry and had already played squash that day, so was very tired? B) He’s a woozie-woo!?
15. What pub did a few of the Plympton hashers have a drink in? A) The White Hart Inn? B) The Exeter Inn? C) The Modbury Inn? D) All three?
16. Why did Spotty Botty pull out of being RA for the night? A) She’d swallowed a fly on the hash which gave her a sore throat? B) She was as drunk as a skunk!?
17. Sixty-two meals were served by yours truly, but which hashers came back and paid for a second helping? A) Boaty? B) Lazy Git? C) Gomez? D) Rubbery? E) All of them?
18. Which hasher was last back to the pub, but was still lucky enough to get the last serving of chips? The answer is an anagram of SLOW RATE.
19. Which hasher needs to improve their handwriting skills? A) Goolie? B) Goolie? C) Goolie?
20. What eight hashers received down-downs? Their names have been changed somewhat! They were – PIMPLY REAR-END, TINY COOK, GIRL GOB OVER-FLOWING, GARDEN MEAL, JANE FONDA MOVIE, THIN BISCUIT LIFTER, HUNTING FOR LADS, SHIPPY McSHIPMUG.
21. What were Overshot, Pinky and Boaty doing on their knees, in the car-park, in the dark, late at night? A) Having a threesome? B) Dogging? C) Fixing Low-T’Arse & Twisted Sister’s puncture?
Thus ends the quiz. Answers are available for a small fee, but do you really need them?
On-on! Top Shelf