Run 1173 Shaugh Bridge
Hares SPUD-U-LIKE and DARTBOARD
5p.m. THE ADDAMS FAMILY lounge.
MORTICIA and GOMEZ looking out of the window at the driving rain in the gale force wind. Do we really want to go on tonight’s hash, an hours drive, dark, cold and very wet? Answer.. of course we do! And a good job too as it turned out to be an unusual and enjoyable hash and even the rain held off.
We arrived at Shaugh Bridge to find many other hashers had come to the same conclusion and we all parked in Hash style in the unlit car park ( the untrained eye would see only chaos ). We were called to order by OVERSHOT who first introduced us to two lady virgins, one from Plymouth and one from Ivybridge. Then we were presented to the hares, guest laying from Plympton, SPUD-U-LIKE and DARTBOARD. SPUD was pro Europe giving the distances in Km’s thus ensuring that everyone over 40 (95% of the Hash) were doing quick mental calculations.
We were warned of two river crossings ( “It’s ok, it only comes up to your knees”), steep hills, rock climbing and shiggy. Well 3 out of 4 turned out to be true, more of that later. DARTBOARD was very quiet…. guilty conscience maybe.
I elected to do the medium and from the outset found myself in a small group comprising of MORTICIA, COWPAT, VINDALOO, HARDCORE PRAWN, READYMIX, PONYSHAFTER and lo! A hare, DARTBOARD. It didn’t start too well as, puffing up the hill away from the raging river, we were called back by the hare informing us that we had missed the split and were on the long. Quelle horreure! “Which way” said I. “ I’m not sure” was the hares’ reply. Did not inspire confidence.
VINDALOO charged on ahead regardless, Anyway, down, down back to the river where we were faced with the first crossing. Hmmm! It did look quite deep, wide and awfully fast. SPUD-U- LIKE appeared. “ It’s ok, it’s only up to your knees”. Well, I am 6’3”, not as tall as BIGFOOT but reasonably so. We formed a human chain to cross and soon I felt cold water hitting the nether regions. Now I may be old but they haven’t yet dropped down to my knees, so methinks the hares were liberal with the truth. Pity the poor harriets who are about a foot shorter than me.
PONY SHAFTER and READYMIX were titans anchoring each end and much shrieking later we were on the other bank. Thoughts loomed “we have to cross back”. I wondered where LITTLE CHEF was and how, at less than 5ft, she had managed. I needn’t have worried….. She had bottled it and followed the walkers route.
Scrabbling along we came across TIGHT ARSE being bodily supported by MEATY WHORE and WILLY WAIVER. It transpired she had badly damaged her ankle by slipping on the only level section of the hash! Soon they found Dr STICKY BUSH who suspected a fracture. Did they go straight to A and E? No. TIGHT ARSE was living up to her name. She had paid for her curry at the pub in advance and would go later, what a trooper!
We soldiered on. The 2nd crossing was wider and faster but not so deep. We crossed in the same style and commenced the never ending uphill to the Dewerstone some 10,000m high or so it felt. It was nice though, to be able to hear ourselves think after the roaring of the river.At the top was a sweety stop and fine views of the lights of surrounding villages. There we met up with some of the ‘shorts’, RUBBERY, LAZY GIT, SQUASHED BALLS, TWIN BUFFERS and DULUX, and commenced the steep and tricky descent. BARBARELLA came into view. BARBIE had got lost apparently. Talk about reversal of fortune. BARBARELLA and LOWTARSE are THE experts in that department.
I am told by BILKO, that there were 7 Plympton with us tonight…nearly a merger!
I learnt that, on the long, RIZZO and JUST HORNY were to be seen dragging PUGSLEY back into the water after he had helped them. That’s gratitude for you.
Also that LAZY GIT had led RUBBERY, DULUIX, HEKKEL and FILTH astray and were all shortcutting. BOATY MCBOATFACE, RUNNING LATE and PUGSLEY had buddied up and formed a mens knitting circle.
Back at the pub TIGHT ARSE did indeed get her curry and a pint(also a down down later) before leaving for ‘casualty’ as SQUASHED BALLS calls it.
There was a lost property display by FILTH of rejects left at the fantastic hash weekend ( cheers RIZZO, NICE BUNS, RUSTY BOTTOM and all concerned). DEAD MAN WALKING claimed something as did LOTARSE but the size 11 trainers are yet to be identified.
SQUASHED BALLS was the RA. using his notes on a beer mat. He gave them to me afterwards and let me tell you they were absolutely useless! How he does it is an mystery to me.
Down Downs were awarded to:
SPUD-YOU-LIKE and DARTBOARD for a great hash
PONYSHAFTER for being a Titan
TIGHT ARSE as further anaesthetic
STICKY BUSH for being a good Samaritan
BEE FLICKER for dastardly behaviour and dropping OVERSHOT in it
The pub was thanked and it is on on to The Fortescue at East Allington.