|Hash 1191-First and Last Bistro, Ermington
The circle up for this week’s hash filled the car park with Hashers and dogs at the Bistro. Overshot welcomed all including Wingnut visiting from Essex. A call for a scribe went out and Nokkers with an ‘N’ took the challenge.
So how to write this week’s words? As a comic?
No, this will take forever! Maybe poetry or a limerick?
Some of the South Hams Hashers
Are also known to be Flashers
When the bum of Piltdown Man
Lit by the lights of his van
Frightened all of the lasses!
Nah! Forget that! Hopeless. Not much news-worthy going on this week so let’s hear a tale of the hashers friend, the humble bag of flour.
Several bags of flour lined a supermarket shelf. They longed to get out of the shop dreaming of what they could become once free. What were they called you ask? Random names completely unrelated – *Boris, *Jeremy and *Theresa.
Boris said “When I’m out, I’d like to become a loaf of white bread, all soft and doughy”, “Probably stale and mouldy by the following day” sneered Theresa. “However, I should like to be a Victoria Sponge cake, dependable and sweet in the middle” she trilled. “You’re very quiet Jeremy, what do you want to be when we get out of here?” enquired Boris. “I’m not sure yet” said Jeremy, “Maybe I’ll turn into a Yorkshire pudding or biscuits” he pondered.
Just then a Hash Hare approached. “We’re getting out” they chortled as they were lifted into a shopping basket.
Once out of the supermarket, the humble bags of flour’s hopes of turning into cakes and puddings were quickly dashed as they were scattered far and wide onto the streets and fields of Ermington to mark the trail. Splat! went Boris as he was scattered on a hard long, Dufff! as handfuls of Jeremy were spread over a medium hash and Thump! as Theresa’s dreams were scattered over a short walk.
Sadly, as Boris, Jeremy and Theresa dissolved into the surrounding earth, never to become the tasty treats they hoped, they witnessed the hashers running by and the following events unfolding ,,,,,,
….. zzzzz where was I? Must stop dozing off in front on Newsnight, it’s giving me nightmares. Ah, yes the Hash words, here we go:
Piddler was reported to be harassing Vindaloo by calling her dumpy and old. (Vindaloo apparently wasn’t trusting her car headlights and drove to the hash with her head-torch on and her head out of the car window). Tyred Bunny lost the trail. Blue Nun was complaining it was a dull hash despite a beer stop of Baileys and marshmallows by candlelight!
Rear Entry was lost in Ivybridge apparently looking for the Ivybridge Hashers who took the opportunity to sit at home until it was time to return to the pub. Tight Arse, Meteor and Spot the dog were all seen kissing at a kissing gate.
Ridealong took advantage of a Harriet called Sandy after bopping her in the face with a twig then leading her astray onto the long.
Back at the pub a Harriet put a Hasher off his flow by startling him in the toilet. (Names withheld to save embarrassment). Long queues for drinks caused Piddler to moan about waiting. Pizzas were scoffed and shared.
Goolie christened aforementioned Sandy, ‘Easily Lead’ after leaving Amanda unnamed stating he can’t manage two at once anymore.
Down downs were given to:
Hares: Twisted Sister and Hekkel
Piltdown Man for bearing his bum
Blue Nun for dissing the trail
Ridealong for misleading Easily Lead
Easily Lead for her naming
On on to South Milton Village Hall where more bags of humble flour will be sacrificed for the cause.
*Any resemblance to characters alive or dead is purely coincidental and just the Scribe’s weird imagination.