|SH4 News Headlines
Tonight’s headlines come straight from the head of
Pilt Down Man. Luckily the sweat didn’t wash it away before the RA had concluded.
‘Bad day for the GM’
Wednesday 1st May, proved to be a bad day for SH4’s GM. His day began badly with a meeting being interrupted by a protruding bogie and continued in the same vain, when he failed to attend a meeting for work. Unfortunately for fellow hashers, this meant that there was no history or information about Cornwood before the hash as Overshot quotes ‘ I was just far too busy!”
Anarchy in the ranks!
This weekend is said to be the ‘Big one’ for Boaty McBoatface. His stag do commences at the A2B which is taking place in the South Hams. However, after mentioning to all that they are welcome to come along to help him celebrate, this invitation was soon retracted for harriets when it comes to the after party at The Seven Stars Totnes, Dartmouth, Kingsbridge- no one is quite sure where to go now. Maybe Totnes for the men and Dartmouth for the harriets!
‘I felt myself falling, I thought I was being attacked by a wolf’
We have reports that there was a sighting of a wolf in the Cornwood area as dusk began to approach this evening. Lazy Git spoke to our reporter and said ‘It was very tall and pink and grabbed my leg as I was making my way over a style.’ Our sources have since informed us it was no other than Rizzo in her sleek black and pink outfit on the attack.
Hot Totty to the rescue
A damsel in distress this evening had her problems solved with the super mechanical skills of the mighty Hot Totty. It must be mentioned that Hot Totty has been absent from the hash for a few months and she was greatly welcomed back by Flage when she put her powers to the test and got the ‘Old girl’ going again. Welcome back also to Wet Wipe who made a more silent re-entry into the hash.
New record for hashes worldwide
SH4 have broken a new record and will appear in the Guinness Book of World records for the smallest dog ever to attend a hash. Pawn Star decided to bring her sausage dog along to the hash and against all odds we are led to believe that it ‘won’ the long.
The homing pigeon has returned
A sense of relief could be felt at the Cornwood Inn following the hash as it was apparent that A bit of Ruff was present . It was then realised that his homing device is set to this location.
Air ambulance on Standby on Dartmoor
After a 999 call was made from a distressed hasher on Dartmoor tonight, the air ambulance was on standby and ready to set off if needed. Fortunately for SexWax, Little Chef was on hand to deal with her injuries and carried out lifesaving First Aid. Little Chef is set to receive an award for human kindness.
Lady left ‘commando’ after dastardly deeds carried out
Eye witnesses reported that Boaty Mc Boatface was behaving badly in the water tonight. ‘Because of you I have hot, sweaty, chaffing knickers’ quoted the victim Hot Totty. This behaviour by Boaty has been severely frowned upon and he will be duly reprimanded.
In other news:
Pony Shafter contemplated hitching a lift which could have led to serious punishment.
Dead Man reported that Sushi was having shorts issues and this was validated by Dim Wit.
It has been noted that Pugsley was seen doing all of the longs; this has been put down to a new Apple Watch recording his movements!
Down Down’s were issued to:
Jelly Baby for a superb hash
A Bit of Ruff for his birthday
Little Chef for administering First Aid
Pony Shafter for attempting deception
Hot Totty for her chaffing knickers
Boaty for trepidation
Still to come:
On on to The Odd Wheel at Wembury
Hashers remember: Kindness is nice (buns)