Words from the Solstice hash weekend
I usually like to find a theme when I do my scribing, and the temptation was to choose something like ‘the weather’; then I could have written about That’s Crap’s hot and steamy outfit for Saturday’s red dress run, the sunshine smile of Low-t-arse, who, for once not held back by Barbarella flew round the hash and was practically a front runner, or maybe the warmth of Twisted Sister’s generous offer to lay the trail in the absence of one of the hares (of which more later).
Or else perhaps I could have crafted something around ‘class’; then Filth, Ging Gang and Miss Mouthfull would have got a mention for being too posh to slum it in a tent and went and stayed in a house instead, and spent the night drinking Prosecco and eating smoked salmon. Rabid, Hue, No Thatch, Damp Patch, Vindaloo and I don’t know who else who were also too posh to eat BBQ food and went to the pub instead. There was some excuse about trying to impress some visitors from France, but I don’t see how a portion of cheesy chips is any more gastronomically impressive than sausages that have been chargrilled out of existence. British food versus French; not exactly a level playing field is it…
And if level playing fields was a theme, it literally wasn’t one, the campsite was more like a ski slope, happily it was flattish at the upper and lower levels. The hash divided itself according to whether you wanted either to be connected to the mains or else avoid the bracing easterly winds blowing over the campsite (or both) in which case you were at the lower, and at the upper levels were basically the riff-raff and cheapskates – but we did get a bit of a view of the Kingsbridge estuary. The bit in-between was a large area of sloping field, on which neither tent nor van, not even one with massive ramps, could pitch and which became the childrens’ playing field, and I use the term ‘children’ loosely; smallness of stature was no indicator of childishness…
A ‘red’ theme would just be too obvious, and anyway some images from the red dress run are best erased from the memory, so the theme I have chosen for this weekend is… DRUGS. Yes, I’ve decided it’s all about the SH4 approach to life’s trials, tribulations, triumphs and thrills, all of which can be rolled into one hash camping weekend. Are you ready? Here we go…
Fallen Woman was very depressed at missing out on the pubs of Salcombe due to the lack of arrows pointing into them – I was quite surprised to discover that FW couldn’t find her way into a pub after all those years of practice, but administered anti-depressant therapy to her at the drinks stop which I think helped. She drank it down quite fast anyway.
Whisperer trialled Stella as a drug for relief of his back pain. Bee Flicker (whose wig I thought was just fabulous darling) knelt over his prostrate (even before he had downed his first bottle) form and kneaded his back to loosen it out, but Whispers decided the Stella was more effective and, utilising the ‘more is better’ principle, kept on taking it until he passed out.
At the drink stop Goolie and Pony Shafter, no doubt feeling the mellowing benefits of the previous four pub visits broke into song, mostly sea-shanties as far as I could tell, but which left several of us wincing somewhat. I administered more pain relief, mostly to myself.
Well, running is the obvious way to get some of these released into your system, but naturally there were hashers who chose other means: Overshot, inspired by daughter Eliza chose backwards roly-poly-ing down the field as his method, whilst Sniffer busied herself trying to ignore his childish antics. Sushi appears to get his endorphin rush from skimpy underwear – now I don’t know for sure who actually wears it in his relationship; Ah-So hotly denies it and I for one believe her but anyway it’s one of them and he looks very happy about it. It takes all sorts. Crackerjack declared it was the second worst day of his life, I know not why, but think he must have ingested some…
The kids – SURELY they were on something – how can such little people have so much energy?? They did a 7-mile run in the day, then another 8-10 miles in the evening racing around chasing each other. Their poor parents, no wonder they look exhausted all the time –that was me once, but long enough ago now that happily amnesia has set in. I don’t think there’s a drug for that and if there was, I wouldn’t take it anyway when it comes to recalling the child-rearing years, I prefer the more psychotropic ones where it’s either all a blur, or else some hazy fondness of halcyon pre-referendum days when there were flowers and smiley happy people everywhere and everything in the garden was lovely… Sorry, I drifted off there. Come 2nite might benefit from memory-enhancement medication though, having converted to vegetarianism recently, it appears faced with a pork pie that she completely forgot and tucked in before remembering. It’s the thought that counts, unless you’re a pig of course, or indeed a chicken, sheep or a cow and possibly a fish…
Eeeuw, this could get messy and I’m going to gloss over the details to save any parents having to explain to their curious children why Tyred Bunny wanted to borrow some butter when it wasn’t for a bun but instead to relieve his chafing. Least said, soonest mended, methinks.
Was greatly needed by those campers who braved the wintery chills of the Friday night; the families of Nice Buns and Rizzo amongst them who found the conditions less than clement for a mid-summer’s eve. Saturday night seemed to go better for them, and they seemed a good deal more cheerful come Sunday morning so we can assume that whatever it was they took, it worked.
X-ray contrast agents (‘x-ray dye’ for the non-radiographers, nurses, medics and possibly vets)
Well, I couldn’t finish writing these words without mentioning dear Know Nuts, whose gallant efforts to lay the trail were thwarted by his heart which decided to have a hissy fit before the weekend was even under way. Although he will be a walking medicine cabinet for a while, the drug I have chosen is the one which will reveal on angiogram which of his coronary arteries were all gummed up, but which by the time you read these Words will be suitably de-coked and raring to go again. Get well soon Know Nuts, and good luck to Nutcracker who will be on nursing duties at home as well as at work.
You will notice that with the exception of only one or two of the above, similar effects could have been achieved through the use of one simple cure-all that doesn’t even need a doctor’s prescription – ALCOHOL. And indeed, so it was that no-one actually TOOK any of the aforementioned drugs, but we all did take an awful lot of that one. Thanks for a grand weekend to organiser-in-chief Goolie, hares Nutcracker, Twisted Sister and Overshot and to willing helpers for setting up gazebo, fire-pit etc. On-on to the next one.