THE WORDS : HASH No.1217 – MODBURY
A coincidence, fate, or just bad luck?
This time last year the hash was also from Modbury. This time last year during the circle-up, the question arose as to who was going to do the words. “What letter are we on?” asked Overshot. ‘T’ was the reply. This time last year I dropped my head hoping to become invisible, but Marty saw me and bellowed “Top Shelf should do them!!”
EXACTLY the same happened this week, the only difference being that it was Pugsley who ‘got’ me!
And just like last year I walked the trail, saw very little and heard even less, and just like last year, because I was serving the food at the pub I had no time to take notes or to listen to any ‘dirt’!
So, relying on RA Re-Entry’s notes, this is what happened –
We were told at the circle by co-hare Gary Glitter that the long was 7½ miles, the medium 6 miles, the short 4 miles, and the walker’s route would be 2½ miles. So off we went, over the main road, up the steep Galpin Street where Sarah, who runs with her BIG dog, caused a road block after the dog had dumped a BIG poo in the middle of the road, so BIG that it looked like a roundabout!
Over the stile at the top of the hill we went and into the fields. After more stiles we were greeted by a veritable CORNucopia of tall plants. “None of your CORNy jokes here please”, I said to Pony Shafter, as he picked off one of the veg and stuck it between his legs…..”Look,” he said, “CORN-on-the-nob!” (This conversation may, or may not have happened!)
(Have you ever wondered, if CORN oil is made from CORN and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?)
It was also in this cornfield that Wet Spot hid amongst the plants in wait, and then jumped out, arms flailing, shouting “Boo”, but his victims were pretty sCORNful of his attempts to frighten them!
As I walked with the back-markers past a farmhouse, through a gate and into another field, a voice came out of nowhere! “They’re in the wrong field,” the voice said. *They’re on the wrong path! They’re frightening the sheep!” We all looked around to see where the voice was coming from, then out from the shadows came the shape of a giant of a man, shotgun in hand, ferocious bull dog by his side! This was where I, Pony Shafter, Dragon Slayer, Hekkel, and Twisted Sister slunk (or is it slunked?) off leaving Filth to deal with the farmer’s rantings!
(Have you ever wondered, if breeders mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?)
Elsewhere on the hash –
Piddler actually led the hash at one point, striding ahead at a check and finding the correct route.
Rizzo fell in cowshit, and she also saved a frog! Meanwhile, Sticky Bush found a toad.
Overshot tried to short-cut through a field, found it was a dead-end, went back, only to find out that the trail did go through that field after all!
Whoever the host was at the beer stop (I don’t know who it was ‘cos I never got to it) was a tad discombobulated (wow, what a long word!) at Dead Man Walking as he helped himself to an unmade cocktail, which makes him a COCK without a tail!
(Have you ever wondered, why is “a fear of long words” named hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?)
Bee Flicker looked after an elderly, geriatric (no longer a spring chicken!) Gaffer.
Whisperer and Bit of Ruff tried to lift a gate out of its hinges as everyone else was climbing over it!
Arriving back at the carpark, GingGang got changed and waited, and waited for Rod the Mod (aka Goolie) to return. Dying for a wine, but with no money, she decided to raise her own funds, so did a bit of moonlighting, standing underneath a street light, flashing a……..wry smile to any passer-by!
At the pub – I have no idea what was being said or what was being done as I was busy doing my ‘dinner lady’ impersonation, ladling out the curry, chips, and naan breads, all cooked by ‘that sweet child of mine’!
Before the down-downs, there was a naming – Sarah, minus her BIG dog!
On the hash, after less than a mile,
Her BIG dog stopped to poo a great pile,
We had to give her a name,
Surely it wouldn’t be tame!
Was it Big Dump, Shitsu, or Doggie Style?
A 100th T-Shirt (vest) was awarded to Bit of Ruff.
Down-downs were awarded to the three hares- Under Cover, Gary Glitter, and Nokkers. And also to Bit of Ruff, Filth, and Doggy Style.
And to finish, have you ever wondered, if quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
On-on, Top Shelf