| Woggle’s Words of Wisdom, South Hams, Version #1
Trail # 1245
Location Horse & Groom, Bittaford
Hares Meaty Whore & Tight Fit
Circle
A grim, chilly old night welcomed us to the Horse & Groom where, thankfully, the usual preamble of parish notices and welcomes didn’t take too long thanks to a rather efficient Re-Entry calling us all to order in a timely fashion. Plympton H3’s hash mutt of the year 2019, Zeppelin, decided not to observe the GM’s request for a hash hush and promptly got his “dad” nominated to scribe. Great. The hare said a few words, and then we were off.
Trail
Any self-respecting hares with a slight tendency to sadism would send the trail up that bloody great hill next to the pub. True to form, they did. Not nice, some of the hash mutts had to sit down halfway up & take a breather. So, we went up and into a lush grassy field with a howling gale and rain in our faces, some of the wiser hashers got into short cut mode very early, cut the field off and ran along the hedge. Out onto the road and still going up I heard two “runners”, namely Steve & Dave discussing football at great length. Surprised to hear nerd names on a trail I was shocked to see that the voices belonged to Overshot & Dimwit. Still climbing, we eventually arrived at a gate and then through on to the Moor where the wind and rain really got their teeth into us making the non-existent marks even harder to find! The trail took a left turn and led us across the golf course where Dimwit was moaning about lack of power, his torch apparently, Flagenolay cursing that her dog was pulling too hard and she had no grip and Winnie the Poop ran through a rather large false trail X.
Ex long runner, Woggle, pulled out his sick note from Matron and did the short trail from here where nothing particularly exciting happened until he chanced upon an abandoned car parked up a slope in a lane. Ah, doggers he thought, but on closer investigation it was only the hare, Meaty Whore with a pop-up bar offering gin & tonic, cashews and olives. He apologised for the low standard of gin provided and went on to explain that his mum bought it in one of the low-cost German supermarkets and it came well recommended. Zeppelin had olives, Woggle had the gin & tonic and very nice they were. Plympton Harriette’s She’s Ready & Scouting4Boys soon turned up and swiftly made a large dent in the gin supply. So back at the pub it was a Plympton 1,2,3. We won the hash! Gaffer will be so proud of us.
Pub
In the pub the South Hams hashers ate their suppers in the restaurant while the Plympton lot drank beer in the bar. Gaffer has spent much time trying to recruit strong men to help him move his new Aga cooking appliance into position in their new South Hams home. Long suffering wife, Yeuk insists that it’s a lot of effort for something he’ll never use. When the hashers had finished their suppers, Squashed Balls hauled himself onto a chair and started to tell some lies preceded by a long-winded joke that veteran comedian Des O’Connor would have been embarrassed by. Cracker Jack got very excited when awarded his 25th hash T shirt, Lowtarse had a birthday, Blue Nun apparently got involved with a spaniel, Overshot doesn’t like to follow trails and does his own thing, Bilko was overheard moaning about her leg, knees, arse & hip injuries and when challenged about said ailments retorted saying “well, I’m too slow to hash with Plympton so that’s why I’m here tonight. When I’m all fixed up I’m off back with them. Bugger you lot!” surprising what half a Stella can do to a mature lady! B Flicker and Going Down did something unintelligible. Zeppelin started self-harming after spending a week with my mother in law (to be fair, if you’d met her……..) and took professional advise from hash vet Re Entry and a couple of SH4 hashers were overheard saying how much they enjoy hashing with Plympton as they never know what to expect on a trail.
Future
Wednesday 26th The Tradesman’s Arms, Stokenham c/o A Bit of Ruff, Little Chef & Rusty Bottom
Tits 27th Mutley Plain C/P On down The Fortescue, c/o Give us a Chew
PH3 Sunday 1st March, The Victory, Honicknowle, c/o Sh!t Name
Wednesday 4th March, Salcombe Rugby Club, c/o Pugsley
Ski trip planned for the summer, see Dimwit for info.
Disclaimer
Some names have been changed to protect the innocent, some haven’t.
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