The words according to Olive

It was a windy, cold evening and I was not feeling it but knew I needed to go as it was my tun to drive. I embarked on the journey over to South Pool and the Jerk bailed. He sent some random photo in the car sharing group chat of his legs. Not quite sure why we needed to see this but will be reporting it to the online indecent exposure Police!

We arrived nice and early and found the best car space right opposite the entrance to the pub. Gary and I were quite content in the warm enjoying some chocolate Revels when Wet Spot decided to surprise us and tried to jump in the back. Gary panicked and nearly choked on a toffee Revel, and I used the time wisely and opportunistically to find the orange centred one, leaving Gary at the mercy of our intruder Wetspot. I will let it be known; a bag of revels comes a close second to Buster for my affection – so don’t bother again Wetspot.

The GM arrived in full glory and rounded up the herd. She welcomed our new virgin who is a sports therapist so this could come in very useful in the near future, Blue Nun I’m sure will be your first victim. We welcomed back the lovely Nice Buns who was very keen to show of her new pinkies and demonstrated how she had not forgotten to run. It was met with a round of paws..

The cold cruelty of the hash then suddenly reared its ugly head. I was absolutely convinced I had picked up my water bottle and placed it on the wall but no water bottle. I even contemplated that I had early onset Dementia and then spotted it on top of the car. Convinced it was on the wall and In the mist of the confusion of lost water bottle I could hear my name being chorused around and was met with such laughter but had absolutely no idea why I was so popular. Then I realised I had been given the dreaded arrow. It’s only the second time it’s ever been used. The cruel side of hash, not only was my beloved water bottle stolen whilst I did my shoes up, it was felt necessary to victimise me further. So Wetspot realising he didn’t scare me in the car, decided to harass me further (Note to committee, can we add Wetspot to the list with The Jerks name). But every cloud and silver lining, I get to choose the victim next week… Oh let me see… Rubbery comes to mind… Could I be so cruel… No as we know we will just get no words..

Nice Buns decided she would do the walker’s route. There’s a First time for everything so she was told..
Firstly she realised she could talk and walk without puffing…
Secondly she learnt many things about Ging Gang, she moans a lot, is very competitive, she swears a lot, and claims that shite is a far better word than Shit – What a riveting conversation that must have been, but it does rather expose her feeling towards.. WGAS.

Doggy Style was pulled past Nice Buns by Kevin the Dog. Nice Buns was so irritated at Doggy’s victory she verbally attacked Old Kevin with what kind of name is that …I would like it noted Doggy Style beat Nice Buns with the assistance of Kev. Nice Buns snarled at Kev and said it will be the only time Doggy beats me trust me…

We were all warned about the slippery steppingstones at the very beginning. Though we were not warned that Re-Entry would be pushing the Harriet’s off them and into the water. He’s been missing for the last two weeks, or was it we haven’t missed him for a couple of weeks?

Concerns have been raised about the lucidity of our Goolie. He was getting carried away promoting the post-Christmas weekend for next week. Then he was promoting the camping weekend to Yeuk and was heard saying he couldn’t keep it up, to which she was heard replying there is something for that nowadays and they call it Viagra. Ging Gang, being slightly less than impressed by her Husbands antics would like it to be known, it was a slip of his tongue and it was meant to be next year, and he most certainly does not need Viagra, just a better pump for the airbed.

We all know how WGAS likes to hold court, just one set of eyes on him and he is away with another crap joke, so when he saw a set of eyes looking at him on the run, why didn’t he respond in his usual fashion. Was it a bird, Was it a dog, was it a person who knows but it was a pair of eyes and he apparently was so scared he actually lived up to his name. This has given me an idea – next time he starts – can we all just stare at him in a Medusa like fashion and see if he shuts up!!

Rusty Bottom was overheard bragging she beat Rizzo back.. What she had not realised Rizzo had got lost and ran 10 miles. Imagine the victory of beating your nearest rival being taken away from you and the feeling of inadequacy – well you don’t have to on Hash – as its non-competitive and having a good time is the winner. So no more talk like that Rusty if you please otherwise we will have to report you to the fun police.

On the subject of fun police, Gary is definitely being reported. It was noted she was very rude this evening. Pugsley our wonderful, dedicated hare was trying to talk and make sure everyone was going to get back safely and Gary blanked him and continued to talk. It was mentioned she must be spending too much time with Filth, and it is not her job to interrupt the Hare, that is the privilege of the Dogs.

It turns out WGAS is not the only one who has an issue with Eyes – Rizzo does as well! Getting changed in the car park, she said she saw a set of eyes staring at her, was it the same mysterious eyes that WGAS saw, was it her Guardian Angel looking over her – no it was the afore mentioned Kevin the Dog, banished to the car and glumly looking out and not understanding why he wasn’t given more gratitude for helping Doggy Style around. I do think we should be contacting RSPCA on this topic. Not only locking up the dog for being a superb co-pilot, but then exposing him to lots of pasty white flesh whilst Doggy Style revels in her newfound athleticism in the pub really is a step too far on the cruelty scale – committee please discuss!

Lazy Git was supposed to pick up Barberella as he drives past her door every week. She waited and waited. He then sent her a message saying he wasn’t going to go due to the bad weather. Time was now not on her side. She was next seen driving like Jenson Button over to Ermington to get a lift with Low Tarse. It looks like she was flashed en-route and is now awaiting the 3 points thanks to Lazy Gits completely forgetful and selfish actions.

When she came charging into the carpark and handbraked turned into a space like something from Dukes of Hazard, who did she see in the car next to her? only Lazy Git! Unbelievable. His defence was I give one to Flage weekly. One what LG – and don’t you admire it when the Hash really does get the naming right 😊

Shaggy did some brilliant reversing tonight into a parked car. She was so delighted she got parked between two parked cars and was heard saying she has not managed this since her driving test some 20 years ago, it just was a shame something stopped her from parking a little deeper in the gap. She was seen jumping out to check her car, and she found she didn’t have any marks or scuffs – very smug! However she failed to check the Ferrari she had just reversed into. She did however very consciously leave a note on the Ferrari apologising and signed it “Love Dimmers”.

Our new Virgin Hasher who actually isn’t a Virgin as he has been before, was seen to be leading certain Harriet’s astray and made them all cry. Too early for a naming but certainly Pied Piper or Georgy Porgy should be considered, or was it he was just trying to get out of paying his £2.00. We already have a Tight Arse, maybe The Chancellor should be considered, he gets out of paying those that deserve to be paid and makes the rest of us cry!

It was Nutcrackers birthday and she abandoned us for the Challborough ladies wild swim, note to next weeks RA – she needs her Birthday serenading – doesn’t get out of it that easily!! We had another birthday this week GHR short for Genital Heat Rash. He does like to celebrate before his birthday just in case he doesn’t make it.

Ching Chong and Pick Pocket were the last to arrive back and our poor sweep Pugsley saw Olive and Co and said well done girls you have run much quicker tonight. He was quickly disillusioned when he found out that Ching Chong and Pick Pocket were still out as they had been kissing lots of frogs. Can’t Come should be worried as Ching Chong is trading him in for a Prince.

The three lost causes did not get lost and thanks must go to Pugsley who swept the route beautifully so we were all back safe and sound.

Down Downs were awarded to:

Pugsley and should have been given another, just like his tshirts, for sweeping
GHR for his birthday
Doggy style for beating Nice Buns and the name shaming of Kevin the dog
Shaggy for her driving
Paul for leading the Harriet’s astray
Rusty for beating Rizzo

On on to East Allington