The Words according to Tor (via her interpreter, Re-Entry)

Hash 1442 – MALBOROUGH

(Ed.: Apologies to Tor (and Re-Entry) for the late publishing of their fine work – the WiFi at South Mimms services Premier Inn fell rather short of advertised standards [i.e. there was none].)

The Words according to Tor (courtesy: Re-Entry)
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As always, I was super-excited when Daddy mentioned we were going hashing. We parked at Malborough Village Hall. Daddy was naughty and went in the private section. The people got angry and told Nutcracker to stop anyone else going in.

I had my flashy collar on and soon found my brother, Fen. He and his parents, Pinky and Py, had received good news today: the silver-haired man, Overshot, had finally managed to get them permission to build their house!

The tall lady, Rizzo, called everyone to order and said something that people laughed politely at. I didn’t really understand it. The lady who is afraid of the rain, Nice Buns, said she was coming out of Social Sec. retirement for the Post-Xmas Bash, so look out for her spreadsheet!

The hash itself was just wonderful. The stars were out and it was a lovely clear night. We started by running around the village. I was desperate for a poo but, being such a well-behaved dog, I knew I had to wait until I was released off my lead into the woods. Unfortunately, a fellow canine had been locked up all day by Hard On Next Week (Ed: was the heartless doggy daddy in question maybe Half Hard But Playful? [Human belonging to Scruffy?]) and just couldn’t wait, passing a well-formed faecal deposit in the middle of the road. His master was prepared though, warning fellow hashers of the hazard and swiftly scooping it up.

We descended towards Salcombe. Yeuk was in full flight mode on hearing that the orange man, Gaffer, was bearing down on her after just a mile. I found lots of great smells and even saw Daddy kicking out a check! (Ed.: unable to guarantee the veracity of this information.)

After a great six miles of fun hash terrain, we arrived back at the Pub. I settled into a corner with my brother, Fen, while Daddy ordered food and drink. The poor lady serving seemed very confused by differentiating chips from cheesy chips, but everyone got what they ordered eventually.

There is a new rule in place that Hash people sign themselves in each Hash to record their presence for the issuing of T-shirts. I’m sure that, given Hashers are such honest folk, this system will absolutely never be abused. My Daddy efficiently signed himself in for the next five hashes in case he forgets in future.

I don’t actually know who was given drinks at the end as, by 9.50pm, I had been tired, hungry and staring at Daddy for at least 30 minutes. Finally a lovely lady hasher, Winnie the Pooh, made my Daddy aware of my existence and he took me back home to my dinner and lovely straw-filled kennel. The drinks still hadn’t been given out. I heard that the hash group Plympton do their drinks at 9pm sharp, regardless of who has come back. Maybe SH4 should do the same?

My guess is that one drink at least went to the hard-working Hare, Under Covers, who had done a sterling job laying the hash by himself (Ed.: affirmative – and didn’t he just!). Another probably went to Shaggy, who I’m sure fell over (Ed.: incredibly not!). A third to the old man with a very rude name, WGAS, as he is given a drink every week. A fourth to Pinky for being allowed to build my brother Fen’s new house. A fifth to Ching Chong for getting back so late. Finally a sixth to Pugsley even though he wasn’t there.
(Ed.: These last four, all eminently plausible nominations, but – remarkably – not awarded. The actual roll of [dis]honour was comprised of: Undercovers [excellent hare-ing]; Lazy Git [Birthday Boy]; Overshot [possibly for the planning triumph for Pinky and Py, possibly for his trademark soprano birthday-serenading?]; Twisted Sister [a little hazy…
proficient Hare-Razing just a few short weeks into her new role?]; Nice Buns [reprising her role as Social Sec. for one last time for Post-Xmas Hash Bash-organising]; Come Tonight [dog-pampering? I remember talk of a rather high-end haircut for her canine friend…]. Reasons for awarding of Down Downs is, admittedly, slightly sketchy: corrections and contradictions welcome!)

N.B. Please could whoever has the laminated Carol sheets return them to Olive or Blue Nun most urgently! Thank you!!

It is On On to SALCOMBE, for Fancy Dress and Christmas Carols Hash.

Christmas jumper or Christmas-themed fancy dress. PRIZE for best fancy dress!

CIRCLE UP: Whitestrand Carpark, 19 Fore Street, Salcombe, TQ8 8BU https://what3words.com/ponies.replenish.watch

(N.B. PARKING: Hare has suggested best to use Shadycombe Car Park (as there not much room at Whitestrand), 1-2 Island St, Salcombe TQ8 8QE
https://what3words.com/shadowing.unguarded.armful )

ON DOWN: The Victoria Inn, Fore Street, Salcombe, TQ8 8BU

Please see Rubbery’s festive Event page on Facebook: Hash 1443 Salcombe