The Words according to WHISPERER

Hash 1450 – EAST ALLINGTON

This week’s hash started with the sad news that Fallen Woman had recently passed away.

We will all miss Fallen Woman for being loud and vibrant and a proper, long-term hasher: for South Hams Hash, she was our Mother Christmas, with Broken Man as Father Christmas for the Secret Santa; she was great at collecting for charity, with a donation bucket at fancy-dress events; and we will especially miss her for her Fish-and-Chips nights at her house at Brixham. For me, she always had sound advice to give, and helped me make a good decision when I was moving house; she had great suggestions about where to eat out, and what to eat – years ago, she recommended the seafood pancake at The Cricket Inn, which happens to be our next hash pub. I will miss Fallen Woman 🙁
(Ed.: Lovely, heartfelt tribute, Whisperer: I am sure that many among SH4, and beyond, would echo your sentiments – and have many of their own fond memories to add. On on, Fallen Woman.)

I was not sure what to expect from this hash, as Rizzo seemed to be out all day posting on (Ed. Facebook) Messenger, hoping to be finished by the time we got there, and posting a photo of herself next to a crashed upside-down quad. Should have been quickly laid on quads… And then Who Gives A Shit was asking what the record distance for the longest hash was… I was expecting a ‘longer than a Squashed Balls hash’ hash.

What I knew would one day happen, finally happened: the day when the RA would have to start the Down Downs without Olive and co. because they were too late back – it was 10:30 (Ed. pm, for clarity…) when I left, and they were still not back. This time, the late girls were Flagenolay, Ching Chong and Low-T-Arse: they had made the unfortunate choice to be led by Olive. Unknown to them, Olive was ignoring the well-laid (according to Who Gives A Shit) flour and following the sound of hooting owls. She thought the owls’ hoots were people shouting “on on” – easily done. I think I remember hearing this owl-noise excuse before from Olive…

So, for the Down Downs, we had none of the lost girls, no hares (as they were out searching for the lost girls), and no Can’t Come, because he was waiting for Ching Chong. None of them answered their phones. It was also by Sod’s Law that it happened to be the one time that Twisted Sister forgot her phone, which has a special Low-T-Arse tracking app on it. Her app would have shown the hares exactly where Low-T-Arse and the others were.

The hash was perilous and boggy, with steep bits going through farmland; Dídac, a new hasher, was not glad to be wearing shorts as there were brambles everywhere. I did the Shorts, as I was injured, and got caught out by a gate at the top of a steep hill: it looked as if it was tied shut, but there was no knot and the gate was off the latch, so when I climbed over it, the gate swung out. Luckily, I was on the hinge side, else I would have been 10 foot off the ground (Ed. and perilously close to sustaining further injury…or breaking the gate). There were lots of gates, and hashers climbing over the gates whilst others were opening them…every man and woman for themselves, like a Zombie movie (Ed. 👀 Yikes… 🧟‍♂️😆).

There were some parking shenanigans, Rubbery’s Beer Stop van got stuck in the mud, and Goolie couldn’t find the Circle Up, so he went straight to the pub – and led other new hashers there, too.

I forgot to get Overshot’s notes for the RA, so am going by memory and Messenger as to who got the Down Downs:
• 3 Virgins – Dimwit’s Daughter(Ed. Freya)’s Partner (Anthony), and 2 women (Tan and Scarlett) that came with Filth
• Dirty Nights – Her Birthday, and keeping quiet about it.
• Blown Off – For getting his 200th T-shirt.
• Dídac – Wearing shorts in this terrain.
• Goolie – Couldn’t find the Circle Up so went straight to the pub.

On On to The Cricket Inn at BEESANDS