The Words according to SKIDMARK’s Ghost Writer

Hash 1457 – IVYBRIDGE aka DimWit’s Birthday Hash 🥳

[Tumbleweed…]

Ed: So, in the absence of any ‘scribed’ words, a quick round-up of the Boggiest Hash of the Year (so far) – with apologies for it being a bit of a rushed affair, VERY late (I really hoped The Words might still turned up at some point today…) and not really doing justice to an(other) excellent Hash:

Following Messenger postings from the hares earlier in the day – featuring WetSpot alternately waist-deep in finest Ivybridge bog and chest-deep in the still-surprisingly-chilly Erme – the Circle Up had a slight air of trepidation. Gaffer arrived ready to take on the trail with skin-tight swim cap and goggles, while Rizzo was very sensibly dressed for walking to the pub (along with a handful of others still suffering the savagely virulent Hash Bash lurgy – or just lacking some enthusiasm for bog-snorkelling). With virus-ravaged voice, Rizzo delivered the usual welcome (although if there was a joke it was mercifully inaudible) and handed over to the hares, who kept introductions brief and sent us all off with claims of 1.5-2ish miles, 3.5-ish miles and 5-ish miles for Walkers, Shorts and Longs, respectively.

I can’t offer much more than a couple of notes about the Longs – and only then for about a third of that as I, totally uncharacteristically, followed an entirely made-up route of my own. Twice. Well, there was a bit of spaghetti-like route-knitting at the start as it became obvious that some delightful local scamp(s) had removed a check or two, but the seasoned hashing throng soon sniffed out the true trail and set up up into the woods. Triple Top took a spectacular tumble within the first few hundred metres but sprang to his feet unscathed and then bounded on into the gloom of the woods while the rest of us picked our way precariously over the grip-resistant boulders of the riverside – further evidence that he is far more machine than man. Undercovers also reportedly came a cropper at some point along the boggy, boulder-bedecked route, but refused a Down Down during the RA-ing on the basis that this no longer qualifies as news.

Once into the boggy (did I mention the bogs?) woodland territory, hashers zig-zagged up and around the precipitous river banks, nimbly dodging – or else becoming hopelessly entangled in – brambles and roots, tripping over rocks and squelching through quagmires of excitingly variable depths to the soundtrack of the raging River Erme and a quite-musical at times range of squeals and yelps (as they found the deepest pockets of bog). The trail took in the picturesque leat high above the river, and returned back through more bog (generous, those hares) and along some mercifully solid woodland paths to the town. The conscientious hares seemed to be there at almost every turn, looming out of the darkness to guide increasingly bedraggled hashers through the morass and beer-ward…and to capture some spectacularly undignified negotiations of the challenging terrain.

A ‘proper’ hash, truly befitting of a (43rd, wasn’t it…?) birthday!

Back at the Exchange, RA GHR rallied the Hash to order and delivered an entertaining, if occasionally ever-so-slightly risqué (! There were a few blushes from the group of pool-players behind us…) summary of the evening’s shenanigans, including a traditional Hash serenade of the Birthday Boy (Overshot valiantly wheeled out the soprano solo, although possibly his cough-raw throat might have liked), presentation of the ‘Long Suffering Hasher Award’ postponed from the Post-Xmas award ceremony, and recognition of a milestone hash tee-shirt for much-missed and recently returned Flage-no-Lay. Thanks were given to the hares – WetSpot and DimWit – for a fantastic, adventurous hash, and it was noted – to widespread astonishment – that Olive was back comfortably before the RA-ing.

Sincere apologies if I have missed anyone/misattributed Down Downs – my usual tactic of scouring Hash Flash’s photographic evidence from the evening for DD recipients was undermined somewhat this week by Rubbery inconsiderately attempting to liberate one of his fingers from his hand and making a rather gruesome mess of it (hope it’s healing OK, Rubbery 😘)

DOWN DOWNS (probably) went to:
• DimWit – Hare and Post Xmas Award for Long-Suffering Hasher
• WetSpot – Hare
• Flage – T-shirt
• Triple Top – more tumbling
• Antony – boyfriend of Grumpy Arse
• Olive – for being among one of the first groups back this week!

ON ON to ST. ANN’S CHAPEL

P.S. Skidmark – you owe me a pint.