So, I think that only an running organisation dedicated to false news would nominate to do their official recording  a. someone who wasn’t present and  b. someone who would be unable to run at any point in the proceedings.
So I thought I would tell you a little story of my skiing accident.However before that I will make stuff up about the evening.. The most outstanding incident of the entire evening was reported to be Boaty’s new technicolour dreamcoat. Some say he looked like a peacock, some a traffic cone and others could simply not see him because he hurt their eyes.  Maybe the dazzling was deliberate because he then went on to push Running Late and Rusty Bottom into the stream.

It seems that overall the hash could be regarded as a success as we – well, they – were all back by 9.50 (Olive (new shoes btw): watch out Barbarella and Lowtarse, there’s a new kid on the block going for your position of always last back…  Going Down, the hare, seemed to adopt Boaty’s technique of laying checks after everyone had gone through and this may have been connected to our esteemed GM musing that it was definitely a contender for the most dangerous hash of the year. Now that may or may not be something to aspire to (Committee members note to self and others – there is no insurance for hashers, only 3^rd parties (which to be honest is an unlikely scenario) but the evidence presented for this nomination would be:

• Perilous antics on log bridge over the River of Doom or Brook of Bedlam. Our esteemed GM and RA for the night almost lost his date for the night Dimwit when he was sucked off down the river only to rescued by the yet to be named Mr Olive. BTW Willie waver almost got sucked under too but he was nowhere near the stream.
• No that’s it

Moving on, Gaffer apparently got so over-excited about being in the same league as Re-entry that he collapsed in the mud (really, was it really mud???) , unknowingly lost his Garmin and had to go back to retrieve it at the end of the hash. In the same vein, Malcolm lost his car, not in the mud but on the road next to the pub.
Our esteemed Overshot and Parkrun tried to outrun a small deer and Goolie kicked out a check and re-routed the brbs (back running bastards) to make it look as though he was outrunning everyone. Oh dear.

We had a virgin Alan to our hash who had already this week indulged in a Haldon hash. Clearly a diplomatic sort as he said it was ‘different’ and left early. He was obviously worried about power cuts in such an old fashioned pub as his torch was on and ready, shining through his rucksack. On other light related news, Twisted Sister found a lack in her technical ability to turn on her torch despite extensive practice in pushing buttons in her day job.

Thanks to the pub for administering to us amongst the diners trying to enjoy a romantic Valentine’s day dinner
Down downs were awarded to:

Lowtarse or ‘Arse’ she prefers to be called for 400 memorable Wednesday evenings
Going Down for admirable haring and complaining about the observation skills of hashers
Piddler for commendable haring
Malcolm for losing his car
Mr Olive for rescuing Rusty Bottom
Boaty for being Boaty and blinding most of the HASH

Anyway, I can on this occasion blame the painkillers for that load of drivel and now back to my skiing accident.  Owww…    that’s it

Jyde 17/2/18