|Hash words from a woods near Broadhempston.
I arrived early in a deserted car park somewhere on the outskirts of Broadhempston and managed to
bag prime spot for a speedy departure to the pub once the obligatory running bit was dispensed
with. I was soon joined by several others including Pi, TB, Barbie and Barbie’s passengers which
lulled us all into a false sense of security as we were soon to discover when it transpired we had
picked the wrong car park. So, one hurried convoy of hashers later and we were the last to arrive to
parking chaos and a game of ‘how many hashmobiles can you fit into a very small carpark’? The
answer is of course, ‘not all of them’. We needn’t have worried about our lateness as by the time the
parking was sorted, Overshot had said some stuff about something and Going Down had explained
Piddler hadn’t helped AT ALL it was past quarter to eight!
The hash did eventually get underway having been told not only to expect 5 long/short splits but
also given a disclaimer that someone had sabotaged the trail and we’d probably all get lost. Olive
was hard at work so I got lost on her behalf instead. My getting lost looked to have proved fortuitous
as it meant I had avoided most of the hash but I was rounded up by a very stern Going Down and
told to go back around again. After all that running, it was no wonder I was tempted by that most
traditional menu combination of pizza, sausage and chips at the pub.
Elsewhere on the trail, Bit of Rough and Just Horny were seen emerging from the undergrowth
looking dishevelled and guilty. When questioned they both remained coy. Watch out Rear Entry!
Shirtlifter was overheard turning the air blue as he was the victim of Going Down’s dastardly ploy to
slow down the front runners. Without so much as a word of warning she had sneaked in a false trail
with three dot and then a cross rather than the widely accepted three and on. Outrageous conduct
from the hare but all the same I hear Running Late will be washing his progeny’s potty mouth out
with soap and water.
Gaffer was heard bemoaning that his generation is being blamed for climate change. It’s not so
much the creation of the throwaway society that is the scourge of the modern world, but the sheer
amount of hot air generated by their grumbling!
The trail culminated nicely in a marvellous viewpoint made even better with a good array of
sweeties and as if that wasn’t enough it was just a quick trot back down to the car park where we
found a well stocked beer stop. Very good of Going Down to realise people would need sustenance
whilst they waited to escape the car park! Not a problem for Broken Man who on the week of his 80th
birthday decided that to avoid blocking anyone in at the car park he would wait in his car and send
Fallen Woman up the hill to fetch his sweets. Not only that but he was handed his beer in the car
too! I aspire to that level of shortcutting. Being able to get all the perks of the trail with your seatbelt
still on really is a SCB masterclass.
Back at the pub and there was food chaos. No names taken and no proof of purchase given, what
could possibly go wrong. This sort of epic disorganisation hadn’t been seen by the hungry hashers
since…. well, about 90 minutes previously in the car park actually.
It didn’t go unnoticed that as the trail weary hashers arrived at the On Down, Ging Gang and Goolie
were already in the pub enjoying fish and chips. As widely suspected Goolie had got lost on the way
and when they did eventually find the car park Ging Gang decided that their car was far too big and
posh to risk scratching it. Better safe than sorry so they abandoned the hash and went straight to the
Squashed Balls managed to make headlines by not bothering to show up to fill his RA obligations so
Rear Entry stepped into the breach and called us all to order.
Our illustrious GM has let the power go to his head it seems. He has now got a GM personalised
number plate on his car. GM15RLU. What the significance of the last 3 letters are is up for debate.
Dimwit didn’t want to say whether hash cash had funded this extravagance but rumour has it that
although he was walking the short route again this week, his Garmin and Strava post recorded
exactly the same route and speed as Overshot’s….
Two of our newest hashers have been hanging out with the rabble over at Plympton. Not only that
but they have been named too! Felicity is now Whinnie the Pooh (I know we’ve already got one but
she hasn’t hashed since the RA was in short trousers so its fine) and Pete is Blown Off. Apparently. It
was suggested that South Hams has more Plympton hashers than Plympton!
Rizzo was a little bit worried she wouldn’t be allowed in the pub after what happened with the Pink
Ladies last time we visited Broadhempston. She needn’t have been concerned as not only was it
ages ago but when questioned it also turned out to be a very innocent and not at all exciting
Pablo from Broadhempston (who had never heard of the community woodland either) was named
Pedro as Fallen Woman thinks all Spanish sounding people are called Pedro.
In addition to Broken Man’s 80th , Rubbery turned 60 and it was also birthday week for Ride Along and
Dulux. A rousing rendition of Happy Birthday was duly sung. We’re definitely getting better at it…
Down downs were awarded for the four birthdays, Pedro for his naming and Going Down for a lovely
jaunt around the woods.
Piddler didn’t get one as he did nothing to help, Rear Entry had run out, and their wasn’t time
anyway as there was only half an hour until time.
On On to Cornwood.